Chris Rock didn’t deck Will Smith because he was trying to take the high road. He was trying to stay in white people’s good graces.

At the very end of Chris Rock’s live Netflix special Selective Outrage, he tried to explain why he didn’t deck Will Smith the night of the infamous Oscar slap.

“I got parents,” Rock yelled, capping off a frenetic, hour-long performance at Baltimore’s Hippodrome Theatre Saturday night. “And you know what my parents taught me: Don’t fight in front of white people.”

This mic drop — or self-hate nonsense — disappointed me. At a time when Black people are freely centering our needs and feelings over the thoughts of white people, the closing punchline was tone deaf. Rock, at his highly-anticipated concert special, had prioritized the reactions of white people over his own pain.

» READ MORE: ‘It still hurts’: Chris Rock goes after Will Smith and also makes Netflix history

Not only is Rock still in pain, he’s mad as hell. A year after the infamous slap, Smith’s 1991 hit “Summertime” is still ringing in his ears. Rock joked Smith is significantly bigger than he is. “Will Smith played Muhammad Ali in a movie; I played Pookie in New Jack City.”

So, if Rock simply said he didn’t want to catch a beat down, I’d respect that. I just wish Rock’s reasoning for taking the high road didn’t revolve around his need to stay in white people’s good graces. It would have been more effective if he framed his reasoning in such a way that it was clear what he thinks about himself matters more. After all, Rock should know good behavior won’t protect him, or any other Black person, from racism.

This way of thinking is why Black people often struggle with healthy self-expression. It’s why we mask our feelings when white people are around. I get it. My parents warned me of the perils of acting a fool in front of white people, too. One false move and their reputations would be sullied. They could lose their good jobs. But this is 2023 and Rock is rich, as he reminded us during his set. He is so rich his daughter Lola got kicked out of an elite private high school for getting drunk with friends. She’s studying culinary arts in Paris. Why do white people’s opinions matter so much to him?

Rock’s good-home-training quip wasn’t the only part of the show that made me want to hang my head in shame. He traded in colorism, saying Meghan Markle hit the light-skinned lottery. He made fun of Golden State Warrior Draymond Green’s ebony complexion. “He’s so dark, he’ll sneak up on you,” Rock squealed with giddy irreverence. His gratuitous use of the N-word made me wince. He referred to Will and Jada as B-words countless times. It got really nasty.

Selective Outrage wasn’t completely cringe-worthy. The concert’s black and red logo was a clear nod to old school hip-hop artists Run DMC’s merch art. Rock’s take on white Trump supporters who stormed the Capitol two years ago because they were losing their country was spot-on. “How are you going to overturn a government that you run?” Rock incredulously asked.

He forced me to check my own selective outrage when he called out Michael Jackson fans who still listen to the King of Pop’s music despite the singer’s sex-abuse allegations. And he told us the story about his mom, Rosalie, who grew up in a rural South Carolina town in the 1950s when it was against the law for Black people to go to white dentists so Black people had to get their teeth fixed at the vet’s office. “I’m not talking about Harriet Tubman,” Rock said. “I’m talking about my mother. She’s sitting over there.”

» READ MORE: Chris Rock’s joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s hair loss was cruel. Will wasn’t having it.

But Rock’s wise observations got lost in his own anger. Unlike Smith, who reacted in the moment, Rock had a whole year to come up with a response that was both funny and sensitive. Instead of being more insightful and opening the road to forgiveness, he doubled down on his anger, dabbled in misogynoir, and trotted out the very trope that keeps us collectively mired in not being good enough.

Rock even suggested Smith should have directed his fury at his wife because she had an affair. (The couple has said they are in an open marriage.) In Rock’s mind, his insensitive joke about Jada’s hair loss — she’s suffering from alopecia — had nothing to do with Smith’s split-second bad decision to knock the taste out of Rock’s mouth. Rock’s Saturday night performance proves that the comedian is in pain and even after a year he hasn’t had a chance to work through it.

I believe him when he said that he loved Will Smith. “He made ‘Brand New Funk,’ ” Rock said. “I loved him. I have rooted for Will Smith my whole life and now I watch Emancipation just to see him get whooped. He has me rooting for Massa.”

Again, Rock is prioritizing white people’s feelings and making fun of Black people’s pain.

Sigh.

Perhaps now that Rock has let out his feelings, he can let it go and get on with the business of healing. I hope so. That’s definitely more important than worrying about what white people think.