An unserious list of 10 places where CNN should hold Kamala Harris’ Delco town hall

Last week, CNN announced it will host a live town hall on Oct. 23 with Vice President Kamala Harris in Delaware County, the Philly suburb known only as Delco by locals, because who has time for proper names?

This magical suburban land of 576,000 people — which has an outsized number of municipalities (49!) and an outsized presence at the Jersey Shore and Eagles tailgates — is the birthplace of such cultural touchstones as the stromboli, Wawa, and the Slinky.

Nestled between Philadelphia and Delaware, Delco is a place where there’s a polling location at a funeral home, where people drink on their porches Halloween night so they don’t have to get up to answer the door, and where a restaurant displayed the cheesecake for my rehearsal dinner on a bed of shredded lettuce garnished with jumbo marshmallows and oranges (my out-of-town guests asked me to explain. I could not).

A fiercely proud people, Delconians celebrate Delco Day on June 10 (in honor of the county’s 610 area code) and fly Delco flags on their homes that say things like “The champagne of burbs” and “Not a location but a lifestyle.”

I once interviewed a man who climbed Mount Kilimanjaro just to wave a Delco flag at the top — and the county District Attorney’s Office has used the Delco flag as a photo backdrop to display confiscated items from a drug bust.

As the slogan for Visit Delco, the county’s tourism promotion agency, reads: “They say we’re a lot, and they’re right.”

CNN and the Harris campaign better be prepared for this town hall — and the people who attend it — to be a lot too. A historically red suburb, Delco has shifted blue in recent years, but one thing that hasn’t shifted is Delconians proclivity to let you know exactly where they stand, whether you asked them or not.

A venue for the town hall — which will be hosted by Anderson Cooper — has not been announced, but choosing somewhere with deep Delco roots will be the first key to ensuring that, unlike the Phillies post season, this won’t be unmitigated disaster.

So, with help from people on the social media platforms X and Threads, I present this very unserious list of potential venues CNN should consider for its town hall with Harris. (Should former President Donald Trump agree to a Delco town hall, which he has not yet, this nonpartisan list may be considered for his as well.)

Colleges and universities often host presidential debates and forums, so why not hold the town hall at Delco’s most famous school? No, not Villanova or Swarthmore but Wawa University, which isn’t a school at all but a building near Wawa’s headquarters where trainings and meetings are held.

Alternatively, the town hall could be held at a Wawa but given there’s a store on every other block in Delco, singling out one above the rest could prove divisive. Sure, they’re all Wawas, but everyone knows their Wawa is best.

Wherever the Wawa town hall is held, the podium should be a trash can and Cooper’s cohost should be Kate Winslet (who’s said Wawa is “a mythical place” that’s “the heart of Delco”) in character as Mare Sheehan from the hit Delco-set miniseries, Mare of Easttown.

A staple in Upper Darby since 1956, Pica’s is beloved by generations of Delconians, who feel it’s their duty to introduce friends to this Italian restaurant and its famous pizza.

Inside, the decor is dated and the nostalgia runs deep.

As one Yelp reviewer wrote: “If you grew up in Delaware County with Pica’s, chances are you are a diehard fan. If you are new to Pica’s and have experienced good Italian food, I am going to say Pica’s isn’t your thing.”

Given the restaurant’s massive size and the fact that it’s hosted countless birthdays, bridal parties, and baby showers, it would make a great venue for the town hall.

The podium could be a stack of Pica’s pizza boxes and the cohost could be Upper Darby native Tina Fey, a noted fan of the restaurant.

A framed Philadelphia Daily News article about the time Fey was gifted a Pica’s pizza when she appeared on a 2014 episode of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon hangs in the restaurant’s lobby.

Retired Eagles center Jason Kelce and his wife, Kylie, are everywhere lately, including Delco, where the couple lives with their three children in Haverford.

While not natives, they’ve leaned into Delco by filming Wawa commercials, frequenting the Havertown Grille, and by getting the heck out of Delco to their beach house in Sea Isle City in the summer.

As the unofficial reigning royal couple of Southeastern Pennsylvania, people would undoubtedly show up to this town hall to shake their hands and tune in to check out their pad. If CNN is looking for numbers, the Kelce house is the place to hold this event.

The podium would be Jason Kelce in his Mummers suit (as president you’ve got to learn to deal with distractions) and the cohost would be Kylie Kelce, who’s proven she can hold her own in tense situations.

Home to the Philadelphia Union, Subaru Park in Chester is a large waterfront venue with the Delaware River and Commodore Barry Bridge offering a lovely background for CNN’s cameras.

Instead of a seated town hall, this one would have Harris, Delco residents, Cooper, and cohost Phang, (the Union’s snake-human hybrid mascot), playing soccer during the event. Harris wouldn’t just field questions, she’d have to field soccer balls while making sure not to kick 85-year-old Edna from Marple who just wanted to ask about the cost of prescription drugs.

Delco is full of diners. Heck, if Delco was a restaurant, it would be a diner — affordable and low key, with a take-no-crap diner waitress attitude and the lingering smell of decades of cigarette smoke hanging in the air.

Arguably, the most famous Delco diner is the 24-hour Llanerch in Upper Darby, where Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence filmed a scene for the 2012 film, Silver Linings Playbook. To this day, the diner has a plaque marking the booth where the actors sat, which is exactly where Harris should speak from, should the CNN town hall be held there.

Anderson Cooper’s cohost for the evening would be Upper Darby High graduate and musician Todd Rundgren because Bradley Cooper is a Montgomery County native who masqueraded as a Delconian for the movie and therefore, is disqualified.

A Delco institution for more than five decades, playing a round of miniature golf at Putt-Putt Fun Center in Clifton Heights is a rite of passage for county residents.

Putt-Putt has four 18-hole courses, each as no frills as the last. There are no water features or windmills here. Get out of town with that fluff. This is Delco, not Disneyland. Only the toughest survive.

If CNN holds a town hall here, it should be done while Harris plays a round of golf with Delco residents and it should be cohosted by musician Devon Gilfillian, a Morton native and Springfield High graduate.

It was a tough call between Putt-Putt and Delcoland, the Delco-themed mini golf course in Folsom, but the former wins out due to longevity.

Like some Delco multiverse version of Reading Terminal Market, Booths Corner in Garnet Valley is a crowded farmers market with narrow aisles, tasty food, and an unusual array of vendors.

Sure, there’s the Nut Shoppe and Auntie Anne’s, but there’s also a barbershop, a billiards store, a vacuum supply store, and a martial arts store selling swords and knives. I’ve only been once, but I’ll never forget walking by a booth that was simply called “The Lawyers,” with two attorneys sitting inside ready to practice law at a moment’s notice.

Should CNN decide to host its town hall here, it could be conducted as Harris tries to navigate the crowds during one of the two days it’s open (Friday and Saturday). Cohosting with Cooper could be Aunt Mary Pat, the sassy Delco character and social media star “who’s an aunt to all” that was developed by Troy David Hendrickson.

It‘s hard to pick just one Delco dive bar that CNN should consider for Harris’ town hall, but social media users cast their votes for Tom N Jerry’s, a Ridley Township establishment known for its live music and roast beef sandwiches (runners-up included the Frontier Saloon and Delco Kup).

Tom N Jerry’s is such a staple that the bar doesn’t even include its address on its one-page website. Delco natives are just born knowing where it is and outsiders, good luck finding it.

“If you have a mullet, big hair or still listen to cassette tapes … you’ll think you died and went to heaven!" one Google reviewer wrote.

Should CNN choose this venue, the podium should be a bar stool and the cohost should be comedian and Media resident Wanda Sykes, who is perhaps the county’s most famous resident and the only person who could keep a bar full of Delconians in line.

Making your way through Linvilla Orchards in October is like navigating the 10th circle of hell, if it were decorated with pumpkins and offered pony rides.

The charming 300-acre family farm in Media is so packed with guests and attractions, particularly in the fall, that people liken it to a circus and a theme park. If a candidate can survive a town hall here, they can survive anywhere.

Should CNN hold the event at Linvilla, the podium could be a hayride wagon and the cohost could be musician and Lansdowne native Kurt Vile, because I’m running out of famous Delco people and enjoy imagining how unamused he’d be at the whole thing.

Catholic high school culture still runs deep in Delco, where it’s not uncommon to have someone introduce themselves to you by stating their name and parish.

It’s hard to pick just one Catholic school where the town hall should be held, so I’m going with Monsignor Bonner and Archbishop Prendergast Catholic High School (a.k.a. Bonner-Prendie), which was created when the all-boys Bonner and all-girls Prendergast merged in 2012.

To cohost the debate, CNN could get actor and comedian Jamie Kennedy, a 1988 Bonner grad, and actress and former Saturday Night Live cast member Cheri Oteri, a 1980 Prendie graduate.