Why Deadspin thinks the Eagles will suck and Birds fans have no shame

"The Linc is worse than the Vet, which shouldn’t be possible," Deadspin's Drew Magary wrote in his annual take-down of the Eagles.

Doug Pederson, aka "Picnic Dad."Read moreDAVID MAIALETTI / Staff Photographer

by Rob Tornoe

Published Aug. 23, 2019, 2:35 p.m. ET

“Your defensive coordinator is still Jim Schwartz, who looks like Jeremy Renner 20 years, four failed midtempo rock albums, and five stints in rehab from now…”

Once again, Deadspin’s Drew Magary has outlined the many reasons why he hates the Eagles and the city of Philadelphia, at times in the most profane and insulting ways possible (“That one fan who ate the horse poop would probably not even be in the 50th percentile of bad breath at an Eagles game.”). But don’t worry, Birds fans. It’s all just for fun.

Magary is less Colin Cowherd and more like the sports version of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, and goes out of his way to roast every team, including his beloved Minnesota Vikings (“This team exists to disgust me”). And oddly, Magary’s column about the Eagles includes a small bit of praise about the team:

The Eagles are loaded. I can’t believe I live in a world where Howie Roseman is somehow one of the shrewdest minds in football, but here we are. Howie got Jordan Howard from the Bears for nothing. He snatched LB Zach Brown from the Skins, FS Andrew Sendejo from the Vikings, and OT Andre Dillard from the draft. He even brought back DeSean Jackson for s— and giggles.

Magary, who has been ripping NFL teams for Deadspin since 2011, has had a lot of fun at the Eagles’ expense over the years. He once described head coach Doug Pederson (“Picnic Dad”) as someone “who always looks like he’s about to offer you a hamburger off his grill,” and called hunting fan Carson Wentz an “NRA love child” who looks “like someone took the worst parts of JJ Watt and made a QB out of it.”

Two of the Eagles’ NFC East opponents have already been hacked up by Magary. He described Giants quarterback Eli Manning as “wilted lettuce in a bag” and wrote that Jay Gruden’s tenure as Redskins head coach “feels like a deep, audible sigh that has lasted five years.”

Magary was kind enough to answer a few questions about Eagles fans and the future of Deadspin now that its new owners want the site to focus only on sports, leading to fantastic headlines like this:

How much do you enjoy being paid to roast every team in the NFL?

So much so that I feel guilty about it. Everyone should be entitled to a government-issued stipend to say that the 'Skins are an ongoing disgrace.

When did you first start the “suck” series (that sounds terrible), and how did it come about?

I think I started it in 2011, which means I’ve been doing it too long. In the prehistoric internet days of 1998, I was on a Sporting News message board and I would troll opposing fans of my favorite team, the Vikings, by posting a lengthy “Why the Vikings are better than you” rant prior to every game. The Vikings were 15-1 that season so I had a leg to stand on ... until that leg proved to be Gary Anderson’s.

Apparently I decided I wanted that kind of long-term comeuppance EVERY season, so here we are.

Over the course of these columns, which team, player or coach has been your favorite target?

Whichever one actually f— up enough the prior season to give me material to work with. There are teams like the Titans that don’t really ever do anything, and that’s deeply annoying to me. Whereas the RAIDERS shoot themselves in the a- every year as a matter of principle, which is much better.

Has it been particularly fun to rip the Eagles and its fans, whom you once described as talking a good game, but secretly being the most gullible marks in the world?

No, because Eagles fans are immune to shame. You could lay out a painstaking case against them, and you could accurately predict that Carson Wentz will break seven metatarsals in his foot by Week 5, and they won’t listen or care. They’ll just spit on you and then pass out drunk on a toilet.

Has a player, coach or media personality ever gotten offended over anything you’ve included in these roasts over the years?

We got ONE letter once from a Giants exec. It was very Giants-esque. Felt like getting a form letter from Fidelity.

You’re a Vikings fan. Eagles travel to Minnesota in October. Do you think Vikings fans will be looking for revenge after how they were treated in Philly in 2018?

No because Vikings fans will obnoxiously be like LOOGIT US TAKING THE HIGH ROAD. Also, the Vikings beat the Eagles last season, but then lost to Chicago in Week 17 to let the Eagles into the playoffs OVER them. So really, any way you slice it, we end up playing ourselves.

Deadspin is going through some difficult times thanks to its new owners and the departure of editor Megan Greenwell. Have any thoughts on what’s happening and the future of the site?

I’m extremely sad Megan’s leaving because she’s awesome. As for the site itself, we’ll be fine. We’ve blogged our way through all kinds of crazy s—, and we’ll do it again.