Eagles linemen share their best Jason Kelce stories, from schooling rookies to losing his trunks in Lake Lanier

There’s a chance that Eagles center Jason Kelce will quit football after the NFC championship game Sunday afternoon. The 49ers are good, so they might win, and he’s 35, so he’s old, and he has contemplated retirement after each of the past few seasons.

With that in mind, this seemed like a good time to share a few of the best Kelce stories his line mates could offer; at least, the best stories they could offer in good taste. Even so, as they pertain to propriety, the results are debatable. At any rate, they paint an accurate picture of the most charismatic Eagle in franchise history: a selfless, demanding, compassionate, perfectionist dumbass.

The stories involve Kelce slapping one guy down, nearly knocking another guy out, and getting kicked off a houseboat naked, inebriated, and damn near dead.

That’s how you know the stories are as authentic as Kelce is.

Dickerson was a rookie last year when Kelce took him behind the woodshed in front of everyone.

DICKERSON: “To play with him you have to appreciate how much he cares about his teammates. Once you understand that, it’s OK. There’s been times he’s gotten on me last year, and this year. It’s nothing personal. A lot of times people take things personal. You’ve got to hear the message, not the messenger.

“Last year, before the Raiders game, I’d had [three] games at left guard [Isaac Seumalo was injured], and he was used to playing with Isaac. We were just trying to work on surfacing [a combination blocking technique], and block how he’s used to.

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“We practiced it by ourselves at practice. Then we got into a team situation ... and I messed it up. He let me know. For a good little bit. They stopped everything for a few seconds. He very thoroughly explained, with some creative language, how I should execute that block. I remember that very clearly. Since that day, I don’t think I’ve messed it up again.”

KELCE: “I can be the class clown or the principal. If guys aren’t controlling little things they can control, I’m going to say something, for sure. Especially a young guy. You can’t just be the principal. You still have to be out there having fun. I’m very specific. I want things done a certain way.”

Dickerson made the Pro Bowl this season.

In 2018 the Eagles drafted Mailata in the seventh round, hoping they could turn a young rugby player from Australia into a competent left tackle in the NFL. Kelce helped.

MAILATA: “Rookie year, one of the training camp days we didn’t have pads on, hot as hell, and I didn’t know how to hit a combination block with my guard. So Kelce stays after practice watching me and [guard Stefen] Wisniewski. Wiz was trying to teach me, like, ‘The way we do it is different, like Siamese twins.’ But I couldn’t do it.

“Then Kelce comes over and says, ‘Put your helmet on. I’m going to play tackle, and you’re going to play a 3-tech [defensive lineman].’ So I played 3-tech. We ran up the cadence ...

“And he just buried his head into my head, bruh. I got [bleeped] up. I got [bleeped] up. He literally took me out [Mailata snaps his head backward]. It was almost like targeting, man. I said, ‘Yo, [expletive]!’ He just looked at me and said, ‘Just put your head in there.’

“Then he went and played 3-tech. Across from me. And I did it to him.

“And he gets up and says, ‘There it is! There it is! Just keep doing that, over and over again! Bury your head in there! Get behind it! It’ll bring your hips into it!’

“And that’s how he taught me how to combination-block.”

KELCE: “Yeah, he used to not use his head. Which, I don’t know if it’s good I’m teaching him that, because they’re trying to move on from that in football. But it’s a very effective tool when trying to drive a double team. Like a linebacker’s three points of pressure: Hit it with your hat and hands all at the same time, and your hips. It’s a very powerful moment of force. But when you come from a sport where you don’t use a helmet, you tend to keep your head out of things.”

Mailata signed a $64 million contract before the 2021 season.

This was a story Kelce brought back to training camp about eight years ago, Johnson said, after Kelce attended an annual Fourth of July bash at Lake Lanier, Ga., with former teammate Chad Hall.

JOHNSON: “I heard how he almost got killed on a houseboat. Almost got drowned.

“He was out on a lake on a houseboat, partying. Jumped off the back. Had to take a leak.

“It wasn’t moving. He tied a rope around his waist. I guess he figured if it started moving, it wouldn’t be moving too fast, so he could pull himself up.

“Well, in the middle of him [urinating] in the water, the boat took off. Yanked his swimming suit off. Underwear off. Everything. He was butt naked. And started pulling him, but he was being pulled underwater.

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“He couldn’t get up to the surface. He started screaming. He finally was able to get up to the surface, and he’s screaming, ‘Help! Help! Help!’ And all the girls — they’re drunk, too — they’re looking at him, laughing.

“And he keeps screaming, ‘Help me, you stupid [bleepers]!’

“So finally the girls catch on, the boat stops, he gets on the boat. Still no trunks on. The captain says to him, ‘Boy, what the [bleep] are you doing? You’re never on this boat again!’ And he kicked him off.”

KELCE: “He told that story? Man. It was Lake Lanier. Chad Hall and a bunch of his Air Force buddies [Hall played at the Air Force Academy] had a huge houseboat. It was a big Fourth of July festival with former military personnel and some current military personnel.

“I’d been going down there for maybe three years. Made a poor decision that time. Almost killed myself, dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Luckily, the girls on the back of the boat moved quickly to the front to get the guy to stop.”

Lane Johnson has never jumped off the back of a houseboat with a rope tied around his waist.