Talking to your kids about the Covington Catholic incident
A pediatric psychologist’s in-depth look at breaking down the incident and how parents can talk about it with their children.
If you watched the news last week, you surely saw the story about the high school teens from Kentucky clashing with a Native American. At first, the viral video spreading on social media seemed simple: teens taunting Nathan Phillips, a Native American activist, and then standing close and staring at him with smirks and making gestures such as the “Tomahawk chop”. As more video was released, a more complicated picture emerged about the event.
The incident appeared to start with a group of four African American “Hebrew Israelites” engaging with both the group of teens and group of Native Americans. Those men seemed to have played a part in the next steps: Phillips approaching the teens and walking into their group while playing the drum.
Social media means information can travel quickly and broadly—often without fact checking. In this case, a short video was posted and shared, and then a longer video was released, causing people on both sides to voice opinions about the fairness of what was presented. In the age of social media, helping your kids and teens understand how to navigate information is very important.
Talk to your kids about the dangers of impulsively sharing information they see on social media, searching for reputable news sources and how to fact check. Remind them that anyone can share anything on the internet and it’s up to them to be responsible about how they receive and share information. Here’s what else you should know:
Teenage brains
First, we saw the students of Covington Catholic High School chanting together followed by a teen who ‘smirked’ at Phillips with his friends’ support. In an interview after the incident, Nick Sandman, the “smirking teen”, stated he wished he would have just walked away. It’s impossible for us to know what he was thinking, but it is almost guaranteed that being part of a group, bound together by ideals, influenced his actions.
Additionally, there are reports of other teens making racist comments and being disrespectful. Why do teens fall under peer pressure? Because being part of a group feels good. Even adults want to be part of a community (Yes, you—Eagles fans!). For teens, being part of a group feels empowering and it’s not uncommon for the energy—both good and bad—to spread quickly.
Adolescent brains are especially sensitive to the reward system—making a group activity that garners attention exciting. Combine this with the fact that adolescents perceive consequences differently than adults. Teens think about direct rewards and short-term consequences, while adults consider longer-term and broader effects of actions.
Groupthink
Sometimes, communities or groups of people gather together to make a conclusion instead of individually assessing the situation. This can occur even if people within the group don’t agree with the conclusion. This phenomenon, known in the social psychology world as groupthink, often results in poorer decision-making outcomes. Teens are especially prone to groupthink and it’s possible this drove decisions made during the event at the Lincoln Memorial. If the teen had been alone, it’s possible he would have just walked away or engaged in a conversation. But being in a group makes teens more emboldened and their decision making less effective.
Further, groupthink happens with adults, too. Think about your social media pages: you may see your friends clumping on one side or the other on various issues. When people use groupthink, they are less likely to think rationally and more likely to base decisions on stereotypes. For example, in this case, people might have been judging on the basis of the “Make America Great Again” hat.
What should we say to our kids and teens?
Talking to kids about controversial topics instead of avoiding them is usually the best bet. Ask your child what they’ve heard about this event. Talk about social pressures and social media and how they process these experiences in their own life. Ask their opinion about what they’ve heard so far, and be prepared to offer yours. You can certainly discuss the values you hold about inclusion and equity if those things are important to you. Steer clear of labeling and division, and try to focus on the facts at hand. It’s okay if you and your kids disagree. It’s most important that you be open to having these conversations.
Meghan Walls, PsyD is a pediatric psychologist in the Division of Behavioral Health at Nemours/Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children.