How to teach children to be optimists

Optimism is a mindset with serious health benefits: It can ward off chronic conditions such as stroke and heart disease, protect against depression, and improve our ability to cope with stress. An optimistic outlook may even help you live longer.

Not everyone is a born optimist, but it’s a skill anyone can learn — and one we should be teaching our children, said Robyn R. Miller, interim chief of the division of adolescent medicine and pediatric gynecology at Nemours Children’s Health in Delaware.

Here’s why optimism is a valuable skill for children and how to teach it.

Someone who sees the positive side of things. Optimists believe things will work out and act based on that belief.

Pessimists expect things to turn out poorly, which may lead them to act in ways that result in the poor outcomes they expect.

“If you’re an optimist, you don’t just sit there and say everything will work out if you believe it,” Miller said. “You continue to move forward as if everything will work out.”

Pessimists often never find out whether things could have worked out in their favor.

Running late to the airport? A pessimist may believe there’s no way to get there in time and turns the car around for home, eliminating any possibility of a positive outcome. An optimist may press forward with the journey — and maybe catch the flight, or at least be able to get on a later one.

» READ MORE: Gratitude isn’t just polite. A Philly-born psychology movement shows it is a path to happiness.

It’s a coping mechanism that helps children and adults process stress in a healthy way.

Optimism is not about ignoring setbacks. Rather, it’s a way of processing disappointment or sadness that recognizes these feelings as temporary and acknowledges the potential for change.

For instance, an optimist who misses out on a promotion may take time to feel down, then commit to working hard to try again. A pessimist may take the rejection as a sign of never be good enough and decide it’s not worth trying again.

Teaching these skills to children can help them navigate common adolescent and teenage disappointments, such as breakups, sports losses, and not getting cast in the school play. Children who learn to process their emotions in a productive way grow into well-adjusted, resilient adults.

By modeling optimistic behavior.

Let them feel their emotions. Caregivers are often quick to try to comfort a child who’s disappointed by saying that everything is OK. But this can have the unintended consequence of teaching children to not trust their emotions.

Instead, talk to children about how they’re feeling and how they want to move forward. This teaches them that they have the power to make good things happen.

Don’t hide your emotions. Adults often attempt to hide their emotions to protect children from difficult events, such as job losses, divorce, or a family death. But hiding your emotions only teaches children that they should do the same, Miller said.

Instead, be honest with children about how you’re feeling and talk to them about how you plan to process what you’re going through.

“Adults don’t give kids enough credit. They’re observant and have high emotional IQs,” Miller said.

Children may be confused if they sense a problem, but their parent or caregiver says that everything is fine. It’s better to address the issue, Miller said.

» READ MORE: Six gratitude practices to improve your happiness

Helping children learn optimism may mean picking up some new skills yourself.