A psychologist’s tips on sticking to your New Year’s resolutions | 5 Questions

So here you are, weeks out from Jan. 1, and despite all those resolutions you’re not a pound lighter or a book wiser. And still — incredibly — glued to the couch.

But take heart: You’re in good company. In fact, one estimate holds that 92% of people do not stick to their New Year’s resolutions.

Here to help is Francine Broder, who has a doctorate in clinical psychology and is on the staff at the Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy in Bala Cynwyd. This field is based on the idea that changing your thinking — your cognitions — can lead to behavior change.

We talked to her recently about it.

The underlying theory of cognitive behavior therapy — or CBT — is that the way an individual perceives a situation is more closely connected to their reaction to it than to the situation itself. It has been scientifically tested and found to be effective in more than 2,000 studies for the treatment of many different health and mental-health conditions.

I’m sure you’ve noticed in your own life something that might really upset a friend just rolls off your back. And, likewise, something that was really challenging for you, someone else may have seen differently.

In CBT, we teach people how to think in helpful ways, and how to make small changes in the way they think, and at the behavioral level. Once you know what someone is thinking, then how they feel and what they do makes sense. So, if you’re having trouble making a change, one of the most helpful things you can ask yourself is, “What’s going through my mind? What am I thinking?”

Many people think they have to wait until they feel like doing something to actually do it. So, think about a person that decided, “starting Jan. 1, I’m going to exercise five days a week. But I don’t feel like exercising right now.” Or, “I’m too tired.” Or, “It’s too cold.”

Once individuals can recognize what they’re thinking, then they can respond with something that’s reasonable and helpful, or engage in problem-solving. Instead of basing what they do on those negative thoughts, they can base what they do on their goals and aspirations. So while “I don’t feel like exercising now” may be true, it is also true that “I know I feel better or proud or have a sense of accomplishment when I do exercise.”

What we have found in CBT is that once people can change their unhelpful thinking to reasonable thinking, they’re more likely to feel better. They’re more likely to do the thing that they said they wanted to do.

Yes. What sometimes derails people is that their resolutions are grand and not sustainable. For example, several of my clients had takeout food delivered several times a week this past year. In an effort to save money and reduce eating calorie-dense, nutrition-poor food, they declared that this year, “I am determined to cook all my meals at home.” A more realistic and sustainable approach would be “I’m going to cook my breakfasts and lunches at home and only do takeout two times a week.”

While it’s important for us to have goals and aspirations, we know that we are unlikely to go from not doing something to doing it 100% of the time.

Let’s say you want to start reading books in the new year and think, “I’m going to read a book a week.” For most of us, that’s not realistic. It could be more realistic to decide to read one book a month.

It’s also helpful to be specific and to identify specific steps. I’ll use going to the gym as an example, although I know many are staying away from the gym right now because of the pandemic. So instead of deciding you want to go to the gym more, which is too general and likely not effective, you start by stating you’ll go three times a week. Next you add, “I’m going right from the office. I’ll have my gym bag in the car. In case I’m hungry, I’ll have a fitness bar in the bag.” At that point, you have anticipated and planned for potential obstacles and set yourself up for success.

There’s another important psychological principle we use when helping people make change. It involves linking an unlikely behavior with a behavior that’s already occurring.

Let’s say someone wants to increase the likelihood of taking a multivitamin every morning. And they notice on Feb. 1 that they have only done so on two days. Imagine that this person reliably makes coffee every morning. They could set the multivitamin next to the coffee pot, giving themselves a visual cue to take the vitamin when they are engaging in a behavior that is already happening.

In the area of habit-forming, there is research into the benefit of making the desired new behavior be the easy thing, the fun thing, the satisfying thing. And when you want to reduce a behavior, make that the unattractive thing, the invisible thing.

Imagine that you want to reduce your consumption of junk food. There is research to suggest that something as simple as putting the bag of chips out of view is going to help reduce your consumption. You can store the chips in the cabinet behind the baking ingredients, making them less visible.

Conversely, let’s say you want to increase your consumption of fruit. Imagine you buy a beautiful bag of grapes and put them in the refrigerator. People report the grapes are likely to sit there until they go bad. Instead, if as soon as you unpacked the groceries, you washed them and put them in a bowl so you would see them when you opened the refrigerator, you would increase the likelihood of eating them.

» READ MORE: These ‘anti-diet’ dietitians want to help you improve your relationship with food

The first thing I would say is nothing got botched. If you reach February and you’ve only engaged in the desired behavior part of the time, you can still give yourself credit for what you did do.

I love to share a Chinese proverb: “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time to plant a tree is today.” In other words, it’s OK if you haven’t done the thing that’s important to you yet. A perfectly good time to start is today. Looking at the year ahead may be daunting for people. Instead, focus on “What can I do today?”

Many people believe that if they talk to themselves in negative ways — if they scold themselves — it’s helpful. It’s not. It’s better to ask yourself, “What am I thinking?” And then respond in ways that are helpful, encouraging, and reasonable in the service of your goals.

Another technique is to consider what you’d say to a friend if he or she were in a similar situation. So often, we have wisdom and compassion for someone else, but we don’t apply it to ourselves.

Many people see Jan. 1 as a beginning, but Mondays are also beginnings. Birthdays are beginnings. The start of the school year can be a beginning.

We can make any day a beginning. We have the freedom to do that. I encourage my clients to look at every day as an opportunity to do more of what you’re hoping to do. Every day is a fresh start.

sandybauers10@gmail.com