Dear Abby | Friend’s paranoid behavior raises alarm

DEAR ABBY: How do I tell my friend I feel she needs a mental health evaluation? She has been my closest friend for 20 years, and we have been through many trials together. She has been married for a couple of years to a man who seems very nice.

Abby, she is convinced that she’s being followed, but doesn’t know by whom or why. She tells me about terrible arguments she has with her husband because she thinks he orchestrated situations in public places. For instance, she claims he seats himself in a position to look at other women. The poor man is blind in one eye and has limited vision in the other. She also believes his ex-wife flirts with him and he is probably cheating with her, although they have been divorced for 20 years. She resents his contact with his grandkids and his family because of it. I should add that her mother was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s at around her age. It’s heartbreaking to watch. I have mentioned it numerous times, as well as suggesting she speak to a pastor (she thinks the church may be in on it) or a therapist, but she tends to dodge it. If I try to contact her husband, she will start to think I’m a traitor. I don’t know how to help. Please advise.

— TRAINWRECK IN ARIZONA

DEAR TRAINWRECK: From your description of your friend’s paranoid and irrational behavior, she appears to be sick. Because neither you nor I are qualified to diagnose what has gone wrong with her, she needs to be evaluated by a doctor. It would not be betraying her to discuss this with her beleaguered husband, who may be at a loss about how to deal with her behavior. Rather than a betrayal, seeing that she gets help would be a tremendous favor.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a “young” senior citizen (age 90). People sometimes think I’m in my early 60s because I look and act it. I have been widowed three times by women younger than I.

I recently met a woman I’m very attracted to. I think the feeling may be mutual. We have a lot in common. The first time we talked on the phone, the conversation lasted more than three hours. Last evening, I learned while talking on the phone with her that I’m older than her mother by one year. Would you advise me to “back off”?

— JUST A NUMBER IN COLORADO

DEAR JUST A NUMBER: If this woman’s mother is 89, she probably had her daughter between the ages of 20 and 30. This would make the woman to whom you are attracted between 59 and 69. I see no reason for you to “back off” or obscure your age. Because the two of you have a lot in common, enjoy the relationship. (If she’s brave enough to be with you after you outlived three younger women, more power to her!)