B. Smith’s husband: Don’t judge me for being married and also having a girlfriend | Jenice Armstrong

Dan Gasby has a girlfriend.

He’s also married to B. Smith, also known as the black Martha Stewart.

But before you prepare to ball up your fists, like I did when I heard about it, there’s more to the story.

A whole lot more.

Sadly, it’s complicated by the fact that Smith was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2013 and now has the mental capacity of a 4-year-old. Gasby, 64, insists he still loves his wife, and says most people don’t understand how debilitating Alzheimer’s can be.

He told me on Thursday, “She wanted me to go on."

Which he has done, with a 53-year-old woman who has her own room in the house he shares with his wife of 26 years.

The unconventional arrangement revealed earlier this week in a Washington Post article is one that a lot of folks could find themselves confronting, as the population ages and the number of Americans living with Alzheimer’s continues to increase rapidly. Nearly six million Americans have degenerative brain disease, and every 65 seconds someone else develops it, according to the Alzheimer’s Association.

Still, that hasn’t garnered Gasby a lot of sympathy in certain corners. When one of my friends heard I had interviewed him, he asked, “Did you cuss him out?” It’s been like that. Gasby has gotten death threats and is being savaged online by Smith’s fans. People — particularly black women — have been going in on him hard, accusing him of not only cheating on Smith but of publicly disrespecting their beloved icon.

Gasby, who last summer launched a Change.org petition to have his wife’s image replace Aunt Jemima’s on pancake mix and other products, says he is merely following Smith’s wishes.

“When we got the diagnosis, she said, ‘Whatever you do, make sure you live your life,’" he continued. “People getting upset about this, they have no right to get upset about this, because my wife wanted me to do that, that’s the kind of person she was and the kind of person I am.”

Gasby also pointed out, “This is going to be the new normal, because people are living longer and they are going to have more disease that’s brain-related, and somebody’s got to take care of them."

A former fashion model, Smith grew up in rural Pennsylvania before moving to New York City, where she graced the cover of Mademoiselle in the 1970s, back when that was a rarity for a black woman.

She went on to become an entrepreneur with popular restaurants in Washington, New York City, and Sag Harbor, N.Y., and authored several cookbooks. Smith also hosted her own show, B. Smith With Style, and was a regular contributor on NBC’s Today. Smith still has a line of household products with Bed, Bath & Beyond.

It was after she became uncharacteristically mute during a live cooking segment on Today in 2013 that it became clear that something was seriously wrong. After doctors pinpointed the problem, Gasby gradually took over the difficult job of caring for her.

Three years ago, when I reached out to Gasby about the book they cowrote, Before I Forget: Love, Hope, Help, and Acceptance in Our Fight Against Alzheimer’s (Harmony Books, $25), his pain and loneliness were palpable. He was deeply depressed about his situation. Anyone would be. He and Smith had gone from a high-flying lifestyle to one where they couldn’t even take a plane ride because she won’t stay in her seat. They can’t enjoy TV shows together like they once did, much less entertain.

“I have to toilet her. I have to do everything,” Gasby said. “If you look on my Facebook page, everybody who has gone through this, they understand it more. You have to live. And she wanted me to live. I went through two years of pure celibacy. You don’t make love to someone who’s like a 4-year-old. That’s gone.”

He’s frustrated with all of the negative pushback.

“The very people who are so upset are the very people who more than likely are going to have to deal with this," Gasby pointed out. “Black women are twice as likely to have Alzheimer’s.

“They’re getting upset with me, and they’re talking about vows. It’s not their vows. I’m living my vows by, one, telling people about it. That’s what she wanted. Two, to live my life, and three, I’m on the board of the American Brain Foundation. I’ve raised millions of dollars for this disease.”

He had to go tape a segment of Dr. Oz that airs Tuesday, but I couldn’t let him get off the phone without asking about his girlfriend.

“Alex [Lerner] and I became friends because her father was going through the same thing," Gasby said. "She overheard me saying that I was lonely, and she knew what I was going through. She said, ‘If you ever want to talk, I’m here to talk, because I’ve been there.’”

"It’s like the third rail. She’s white. I’m black. She has her own money. She owns a brownstone. She drives a Porsche. She doesn’t need any money,” Gasby said, sounding frustrated. “Nobody knows those stories.”

Now that you do, do they make a difference? Or do you still think he’s wrong for having a romantic relationship with Lerner?