The epidemic of intimate partner violence is a hidden problem for college students

Milan Briana Jones, a 20-year-old nursing student at Temple University, was known as a funny, smart, well-liked woman with a bright professional future before her.

What wasn’t known to her circle of family and friends, until much too late, was the abuse and aggression that had crept into her romantic relationship, something which many college-age people face. One in three women and one in four men have experienced intimate partner violence (IPV), often reporting their first incident started before they were 18. LGBTQ+, trans, and nonbinary people experience IPV at the following rates: 61% of bisexual women; 54% of trans and nonbinary people; 44% of lesbian women; and 37% of bisexual men.

“People need to know domestic violence is more common than they realize.”

Around 4 a.m. Saturday morning on June 22, police, responding to a medical emergency, were called to an off-campus apartment on the 1400 block of Willington Street and found Jones unresponsive. Paramedics pronounced her dead at the scene and her boyfriend, Tymir Lackey, a 21-year-old Temple student, was arrested and charged with murder, recklessly endangering another person, and tampering with physical evidence.

Philadelphia police, who called Jones’ homicide “domestic in nature,” respond to more than 100,000 911 domestic calls each year, making domestic violence the most common, dangerous, and misunderstood crimes they face. Intimate partner violence, a form of domestic violence, occurs within a romantic relationship and can be physical, emotional, digital, or psychological.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 10 high school students has experienced physical violence from a dating partner in the past year.

“People need to know domestic violence is more common than they realize,” said Scott Sprunger, community engagement specialist at Lutheran Settlement House. Sprunger coordinates the agency’s teen dating violence prevention program for 14- to 18-year-olds.

Hundreds of social media posts have followed Jones’ death, from students, former teachers, and friends, especially from her alma mater Little Flower Catholic High School. “She was the sweetest girl ever, so thankful to have gotten to share the classroom and track field with her,” recalled fellow Little Flower alumnae Gianna-Marie Vishio.

“I had the pleasure to teach Milan in 7th & 8th grade at Presentation BVM School. She was such a beautiful young woman — inside & out,” added Kimberly Packard Szypula.

In retrospect, there was at least one sign of Jones’ troubles. She stopped texting her friends, cutting off ties when she starting the relationship with Lackey last fall. Friends and family told a CBS Philadelphia reporter they suspected abuse — which Jones denied.

“When you’re dating you need to set the rules of engagement. What should a disagreement look like?”

“A survivor faces a lot of stigma and often times that’s a factor in whether to disclose to a loved one or seek help,” said Zachary Mackey, a community engagement supervisor at Lutheran Settlement House.

“This was so tragic. I wish we could have prevented it,” said Temple professor Melissa Dichter, who researches IPV prevention strategies in health-care settings.

Dichter explained late adolescence or early adulthood is a time when people are inexperienced with romantic relationships. This results in couples who may lack a clear understanding of what healthy relationships are, confuse volatile feelings for romantic passion, may not recognize a partner’s need for power and control, and may not have the skills to handle the negative emotions that can emerge while dating.

“It’s a vulnerable stage of life to be in, going from youth to adult. And it is isolating,” Sprunger said.

Before the slaying, neighbors reported hearing an heated argument between Lackey and Jones. “We believe that the individual assaulted her and caused her death. The cause of death is blunt force, so it was obvious she was struck by the individual while inside,” said Deputy Commissioner of Investigations Frank Vanore with the Philadelphia Police Department.

» READ MORE: Temple student charged with murdering his girlfriend, who was also a student

Over 8,000 new petitions for temporary protection from abuse orders were sought in Philadelphia Family Court in 2022, the latest data available, of which 99% were granted. But in 61% of the cases the plaintiff did not show up to court and the petition was terminated.

“We need to model relationships better for young people. When you’re dating, you need to set the rules of engagement. What should a disagreement look like?” added Chad Lassiter, executive director of Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission and a social work professor at West Chester University and University of Pennsylvania.

Mackey said anyone who needs help, or if supporters want to know how to assist, can call the 24-hour Philadelphia Domestic Violence Hotline (1-866-723-3014), which will provide crisis intervention, safety planning, resources, and referrals.

For those who harm their partners, resources are scarcer. Tony Lapp, executive director of Courdea, runs one of the few therapeutic programs that counsels clients who are trying to change.

“Philadelphia is a big city with limited resources and people are doing really creative work, which makes me hopeful, but we have a long way to go,” Lapp added.

» READ MORE: Where to find help if you’re experiencing domestic violence in the Philly region

Lapp explained that for many couples, abusive behavior — harsh or mean language, yelling, criticism, lying, and forms of manipulation — has become the norm instead of an indicator of a problem that will eventually erode safety and trust.

“Look, we know life can be hard and relationships can be challenging,” said Lapp. “We work with anyone over 18. We don’t want those who have messed up to be turned into a single identity.”

Jones will be buried on Tuesday, July 2.

Her sister-in-law, Linsay Ramos, established a crowdfunding campaign to pay for funeral expenses and by Monday, July 1, had reached over $24,000 of their $25,000 goal from more than 430 donors.

“I really don’t know what to say,” Ramos said. “I guess I want to emphasize that the fact that if you’re in any type of abusive relationship, you need to ask for help and if that person can’t help you, ask someone else and just keep going until you get it.”

Lackey, who was enrolled in Temple’s College of Liberal Arts, was placed on immediate suspension after he was arrested. He is currently being held without bail, and a preliminary hearing is scheduled for July 8, according to the criminal court docket.

“We have to stop the paralysis of silence,” Lassiter said. “One life was taken and one life has essentially ended.”

If you are in the Philadelphia region and experiencing intimate partner violence or feel at risk of harming your partner, call the Philadelphia Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-866-723-3014. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.