Study ranks Philly 15th-best city to celebrate the holiday we created: July 4th

None of these other cities would even have a July 4th if not for Philly!

The six-day Wawa Welcome America celebration ends with a grand finale fireworks display at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.Read moreCHARLES FOX / Staff Photographer

Published June 25, 2019, 12:56 p.m. ET

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that Philadelphia created Independence Day and that it was endowed by its creators with certain unalienable rights, chief among these is that it never be ranked 15th in an online “study” about the best places to celebrate the holiday it invented.

The people at WalletHub, the online personal finance site that released the study, may think they’ve seen fireworks before, but they’d better be prepared for some real fireworks after Philly gets word of this maniacal study.

In what world does Milwaukee — MILWAUKEE — outrank Philly for best Fourth of July celebration? Not any world we want to live in. The big draw in Milwaukee, aside from fireworks, is a kite festival.

Excuse us while we go take a nap.

Meanwhile, Philadelphia’s six-day Wawa Welcome America festival features a screening of Rocky on the Art Museum steps, a 9-ton Wawa hoagie, and a free outdoor concert with Jennifer Hudson and Meghan Trainor headlining.

Also, we’d like to point out that the 14 cities ranked above Philadelphia in this ludicrous study wouldn’t even have an Independence Day if not for Philly.

Scottsdale, Ariz. (ranked 12th!), wasn’t even birthed into existence until 118 years after some treasonous colonials came together in Philly to declare their separation from British rule through a little thing that the folks over at WalletHub may have heard of — the Declaration of Independence.

WalletHub’s methodology for the study compared 20 metrics like booze prices and average duration of fireworks shows in the 100 biggest U.S. cities.

Philly ranked first in just two categories — legality of fireworks and prevalence of affordable 4.5-plus star restaurants (they know nobody can get a reservation at Zahav, right?). It ranked 36th in duration of its fireworks show (give us a break, we’re 337 years old — our stamina isn’t what it used to be) and 19th in festivals and performances (we have more than 50 free events, how many does one city need?)

When asked if any consideration or weight was given to the fact that Philly invented Independence Day, WalletHub analyst Jill Gonzalez tried to throw us off in a statement by noting that “there is some confusion surrounding the ‘invention’ of the 4th of July."

The only people who might still be confused about where July Fourth came from are the Brits.

Gonzalez linked to a history.com article that noted that Philadelphia is where the Declaration of Independence was signed and where “the first annual commemoration of independence” was held in 1777, but the first state to adopt July Fourth as a holiday was Massachusetts. The day didn’t become a federal holiday until Congress made it so in 1870.

“This study focuses on where and how it’s celebrated currently rather than centuries ago,” wrote Gonzalez, to whom history obviously means nothing. “It employs metrics to help consumers find the year’s best place to celebrate, which often differs in terms of costs, festivals and weather.”

Gonzalez said Philly’s “expensive accommodations” are what most negatively affected its ranking, but it also doesn’t have a lot of party suppliers per capita and alcohol costs are high.

Perhaps the folks over at WalletHub need to be introduced to the Citywide Special.

While Gonzalez tried to make us feel better about the poor ranking (“Top 15 is certainly something to be proud of,” she wrote like a teacher handing out participation awards), mayoral spokesperson Lauren Cox saw the ranking for what it is and offered this official GIF in response:

Will Smith Robbed GIF from Willsmith GIFs

“There’s no accounting for taste, but we can say with certainty that there’s no better place to celebrate America’s birthday than in the place where it all began," Cox said via email. “We don’t just have one day of celebrations — we have six full days! Free concerts, free fireworks, AND free hoagies. Need we say more?”