For young adult male mentees, ManUpPHL believes real talk is the key to real help

Life is tough, and there comes a time when you need someone in your corner.

That simple idea is why ManUpPHL’s volunteer mentors were recently gathered around the conference table at their Center City office, eating pizza, checking on their mentees’ employment status, and sharing hard-earned wisdom on how to build a good life.

In Listening to the Streets, participants ages 17 to 35 spend 24 hours together over three weeks sharing private vulnerabilities while learning practical life skills like budgeting and job interview techniques. All participants received a $15 an hour stipend and a job opportunity.

For the quiet-spoken Aquil Roberts, 27, the daily sessions meant not only a supermarket job at the Giant Co., but that he also “learned to open up and express myself.”

In ManUpPHL lingo, the rap sessions are called Real Men/Real Talk, part of an authentic agenda where everyone is urged to unmask.

“I mess up. Now that ain’t great, but it’s real life. I still make mistakes and I ask myself, ‘Why did I do that?’,” said radio host and Inquirer columnist Solomon Jones, founder of ManUpPHL, setting the conversational tone.

“Don’t feel like your life gotta be perfect. Take the guidance as you go through the ups and downs, twists and turns,” Jones advised.

Gary Murray, another mentor, spoke of selling and using drugs along with the gun violence in his younger life and how he stopped about 25 years ago. “I hurt a lot of families. I inherited a drug business at a young age,” he said.

“We can get over those times,” he assured the five members of the recent cohort.

“Don’t feel like your life gotta be perfect. Take the guidance as you go through the ups and downs.”

At this final session, they also talked about what had been learned over the three weeks, including reviewing what they call the pillars of a strong life — integrity, trustworthiness, consistency, persistence, and character.

It was character that was in the spotlight, but it wasn’t long into the conversation before it came under attack for not being the magic trait that makes things better, especially as it relates to the criminal justice system.

“It depends on the judge and at the end of the day our life is in their hands,” said mentee Syeed Woods, who bemoaned a system that can turn based on whether a judge is in a bad mood, regardless of your character.

With most of the mentors and mentees having been involved in the criminal justice system, no one disputed his analysis.

“Things are going to happen that’s unfair,” Jones said. “You are going to go through stuff.”

Jones said the key was using those painful experiences to help others.

It has been five years since Solomon Jones announced the formation of ManUpPHL at an event at Community College of Philadelphia, while the city was in the midst of a gun-violence epidemic.

He promised that ManUpPHL would offer jobs and guidance that would help participants move through life. He also said mentoring would be an essential part of the ManUpPHL curriculum.

“It’s a lot we have endured to get to this point,” said mentor Ben Moore, director of School Culture at Freire Charter High School.

Moore was referring to travails that come with life — grief of losing loved ones, difficulties of raising children, ups and downs of marriage, and even aging.

“I’m coming to grips with being 55,” he told the group with a laugh before the conversation turned to the importance of health care and treasuring elders.

Now, gun homicide numbers are drastically falling. According to a recent study by the Center for American Progress, Philadelphia’s decline was the most significant of any large city in the country.

Though several organizations, including ManUpPHL, have been criticized for not being able to show cause and effect with their efforts, Jones is sure that the group’s ongoing sessions have played a role in the decrease, and pushed back in his own opinion column against the criticism.

“ManUpPHL did not serve as many men as we intended. That’s true, but it doesn’t tell the whole story. ... We did not fail to serve a certain number. We learned to help men and boys change their lives,” wrote Jones.

A gun-violence study he conducted with Brian Ellis, the board chair and Drexel University professor, explores the lived experience of young men, asking them why gun violence persisted. Some of the recurring themes, according to the study, included trauma, family influence, a formal education that doesn’t lead to economic opportunities, and the lack of real-time engagement.

» READ MORE: A striking decline in shootings

The study concluded with suggestions such as developing resource connectors to provide effective help, working with corporations to create jobs for returning citizens, asking medical schools to develop community mental health, and getting the help of incarcerated leaders to help fight gun violence from inside prison walls.

These are ideas that Jones is putting into action at ManUpPHL.

Kenneth Day, ManUpPHL’s outreach coordinator, says the program will be available to participants whenever they need help.

Jones ended the evening with a reminder to the group to vote and urged the members to take advantage of the six free therapy sessions that come as a result of their participation.

“A lot of us are walking around with trauma and don’t realize it,” Jones said.

“A lot of us are walking around with trauma and don’t realize it.”

And they were also urged to take their mentor’s phone numbers to stay in touch. “If you don’t hear from me, you’re supposed to call and sweat me,” said mentor William Hart, explaining that the mentees should hold their mentors accountable.

For the mentees, there was a palpable sense of pride for completing the program.

“Lots of folks start stuff but don’t finish,” mentee Dahnek Milliner said. “I was one of them.” That changed on that night, as he received his letter of completion.

Additional information is available at the website manupphl.org or by calling 267-748-7818.