The city put out a ‘Potty Poll’ to name its new public bathrooms and Philly did not disappoint

Philadelphians have never been too fond of things that carry another city’s name.

Last October, I dared to wear my Newsies zip-up hoodie during the Phillies World Series run and was yelled at by a man across the street who thought my shirt said New York.

While I did not burn the hoodie, I have never worn it outside again.

On the opening night at Brooklyn Bowl in Fishtown in 2021, the crowd booed and shouted “Eagles!” when a speaker mentioned New York City on stage. And leading up to the Eagles Super Bowl against the Patriots in 2018, several Boston Market restaurants in the area temporarily changed their names to Philly Market, to avoid fanning any flames.

Being privy to all of this, the Philadelphia Department of Public Health must have known Philadelphians wouldn’t take too kindly to the city calling its new public restrooms Portland Loos, even though that is their actual name.

So last Friday, the department put out an online “Potty Poll” asking the public to help pick a Philly-related name for the six stand-alone bathrooms that will be part of its pilot public restroom project.

According to Sharon Gallagher, spokesperson for the city’s Managing Director’s office, the Portland Loo is both a standard restroom style used in parks around Portland and a product made by Madden Fabrication that’s owned and sold to other communities by the city of Portland.

“While we are crediting the design firm, we’re allowed to give it our own Philly name,” Gallagher said in an email.

Though the city’s poll only offered three predetermined names for people to vote on — “Phlush,” “Philly Loo,” or “Philly Public Restroom” — Philadelphians were more than happy to flush out their own creative ideas on Twitter.

There were very few stinkers among the suggestions.

“Porta Jawn” received an especially high number of entries, along with other punny names like Philly Jawn and Jawnny on the Spot.

Shane Walsh of Fishtown impressively combined British terminology and the Philly accent to come up with his impeccable suggestion of “Wooder-Closet,” while a University City Twitter user offered up a fantastic Philly food reference: “Whiz Wit.”

Historical nods were also popular. Brett Krasnov of Point Breeze suggested “Wee the People;” Philly-based artist Bob Dix nominated “Kite and pee;” and Wendy Gordon, a Philly native who now lives in D.C., submitted “The Constitutional” as one of her recommendations.

Northeast Philly native Steve Silver, a Philly sports fan living in Frederick, Md., had two cheeky suggestions of what to name Philly’s new loos. Number one: “Leave Turds, Go Birds,” and number two: “The Dallas Cowboys.”

No matter what the name ends up being, if the city wants to keep these new public restrooms clean, it should consider putting a Dallas Cowboys logo inside of every toilet bowl, so Philadelphians never miss their mark.

Alas, all of Philly’s creative suggestions will be flushed down the drain. Not wanting to clog up the process, the city is relying on votes in its aforementioned poll to help choose the name. By Wednesday, with more than 700 votes cast, “Phlush” was in the lead with 58% of the votes.

“We wish we could have asked the public for their suggestions, but we wanted to keep it simple, limit the time and cost to implement, and get it done for the first two public restroom openings this summer,” Gallagher said.

The first bathroom was initially set to open Tuesday at Fotterall Square Park in North Philly during a ribbon-cutting ceremony at the site, which recently underwent extensive renovations. That ceremony was postponed due to inclement weather and has not yet been rescheduled.

The second public bathroom is under construction at 15th and Arch Streets in Center City. No date has been set for its opening, but Gallagher said the city hopes it will be ready in July, after testing and final approvals.

Four additional public bathrooms will later be installed in different neighborhoods throughout the city as part of the pilot project. West Philly’s Clark Park has been mentioned as another possible site, but details about the remaining three locations haven’t been leaked yet.

Those interested in doing their duty can vote in the city’s poll on the Department of Public Health’s Twitter page or online here. Voting closes at 5 p.m. Thursday.