AI has come for the Phillie Phanatic. Grab your hot dog cannons.

The marketing team of an online sports book is the latest to get AI fever. This time, they’ve come for the Phillie Phanatic, our beloved green bird from the Galapagos, and tried to offer a cold dead-in-the-eyes wannabe.

Companies can’t keep getting away with this.

BetOnline.ag took it upon itself to recreate all the MLB mascots — including the Phanatic. Their prompts to the machine-learning overlords were simple, some variation of “Atlanta Braves mascot.” Perhaps they thought they were doing a service. Mascots like the Phanatic and Mr. Met have been on the job for decades, just like some members of Congress.

Maybe we’re simply falling for clickbait.

Either way, consider this an ode to, and defense of, our flightless bird who famously lost to Dodgers’ manager Tommy Lasorda in a 1988 brawl. While the Phanatic may not be good at defending himself, Philadelphians have been fighting robots since at least 2015.

The Phanatic has the sort of rizz (Gen Z speak for charisma) that’s very bird next door with a hint of a bad side (see below).

His stylish sneakers and flipped-back hat say this mascot is effortlessly cool. Why, yes, he will absolutely join you in a belly dance — not an actual belly dance, though, a dance with his belly.

His eyes, a little too close together, give Cillian Murphy-in-Oppenheimer energy; the Phanatic has seen things, mainly some rough Phillies seasons.

The Phanatic’s iconic snout and blue plumage peeping out of his cap have won over Philadelphians. He’s our own Helen of Troy - legal wars have been fought over his likeness - so it’s no surprise the Phanatic is considered one of baseball’s most beloved mascots.

Compare him to this AI muppet alternative. For starters, it’s unclear what type of creature the usurper is supposed to be. Its bright-red neckbeard is not luscious enough to give lion, and its eyes are a bit too happy for any critter that has seen so much loss. Yet somehow, it feels like he’s going to lock you in a Citizens Bank Park bathroom stall if you tell him you’re good on a photo.

The AI-generated Phanatic gives impossible Hollywood standards for a mascot. Is he going to toss protein bars from his ATV? The real Phanatic is clearly a foodie. His belly suggests he probably has his favorite hoagie spots sorted out by neighborhood.

And there’s no science to this observation, but there’s no way the AI mascot is a dancer. Feels like he’d be the acrobatic type of entertainer.

Of course, this isn’t the first time machine learning has failed to capture the je ne sais quoi that makes the Phanatic so special. (Remember that time Dall-E 2 pumped out monstrous interpretations of the beloved Philadelphia mascot?)

Some of these recent AI creations are equally as baffling. The machines did best when imagining animals: The Chicago Cub and Detroit Tiger are inoffensive enough — though there’s just something off about their eyes. The reimagined Houston Astro — basically a man in a spacesuit— looks fine but lack the warmth of Orbit, a fuzzy green alien.

Yet some of these mascots are a crime. They took Mr. Met and replaced him with some sort of muppet with orange hair. And why does the Miami Marlin have so many human-like teeth? Is Boston’s mascot a lion? Actually, it’s best we don’t know.

Consider this a message to anyone else thinking of using AI to “spruce up” an icon. Mess with the snout, you get the hot dog cannon.