‘Liquored up,’ ‘entitled,’ and ‘unhinged’: Parents’ bad behavior is ruining kids’ sports

On a warm evening, Devon Goree settled into his portable chair to watch his son, Drew, 9, play second base in a Deptford Little League game.

Parents yelled out encouragement. No one jeered the umpire — a refreshing change, said Goree, 41, a corrections officer: “It’s quiet tonight. But we had some rowdy parents not long ago.”

Things are different now.

Fed up with parents cursing umpires, two of whom quit in April, Deptford Little League president Don Bozzuffi made international news last month by instituting a novel punishment:

Unruly parents will be banned from attending games unless they umpire three contests themselves.

“I tried to think about the one thing in the world parents wouldn’t want to do,” Bozzuffi said. “This was it.”

No one has yet run afoul of the new rule, and a calm has descended upon baseball diamonds in this Gloucester County town. But in lots of other places nationwide continue to endure overzealous, belligerent, and even dangerous parents roiling youth sports by getting in the faces of umpires, referees, coaches, and other parents in greater numbers.

Some experts point to an overall erosion of public behavior as the reason. Others blame the pressures of a $19 billion-a-year youth sports industry that ratchets up the sense of entitlement among parents who believe their cash layout buys them permission to torment officials and coaches.

“Things have never been worse,” said Barry Mano, president of the National Association of Sports Officials in Racine, Wis. “Parents are less constrained by social norms. A survey of officials we did says 47% fear for their safety.

“Angry parents trash officials by name across social media. Trashing umpires has become nearly a daily occurrence. Who wants to put up with this for 50 bucks?” says Mano, giving the rough amount non-volunteer umpires make per game.

Nearly 80% of high school umpires and referees quit after the first two years on the job, citing unruly parents as the primary reason, according to the National Federation of State High School Associations in Indianapolis.

One result is a growing shortage of high school umpires and referees nationwide, according to executive director Karissa Niehoff.

She added that inappropriate parent behavior at high school athletic events has reached “epidemic proportion.”

Last month, a player’s father was charged with punching and knocking out a disabled veteran who was umpiring a high school baseball game in Kissimmee, Fla.

Closer to home, people involved in youth sports say, “unhinged” parents often display aberrant behavior.

“I saw a mother holding a baby and punching another mom over a call at a kids’ basketball game a while back,” said a 43-year-old Center City mother of three children who play sports. Fearing retaliation against her children, she asked not to be identified.

The woman’s son, 15, said soccer parents are “becoming more crazy, like they care more than they used to. And it’s confusing when they yell instructions different from what coaches say.

“Whoever you don’t listen to gets annoyed. It’s lose-lose.”

Football referee and baseball umpire Dan Solis-Cohen, 67, of Center City says the pressure has increased. “At some of the high schools, we request more security during the football season. Some of the parents get liquored up by 7 o’clock on Friday game night and become brutal.

“When their kids lose, they say it’s our fault. People have tried to hit us when we’re in the parking lot, leaving the games. A few years back, we were chased off the field of one high school” in Montgomery County.

Coaches are being harassed, as well.

“Parents absolutely wear me down,” said a Philadelphia-area high school rowing coach who spoke openly in exchange for not being identified.

The coach, who is 34, said that a parent once ran up to her and started yelling about her child being placed in a boat of “inferior” rowers.

“She’s bitching me out right on the dock during a regatta,” the coach said. “Parents are more empowered lately to tell the coaches how to do their job.”

The coach acknowledged that rowing is “obnoxiously expensive,” with three-week instructional sleep-away camps costing as much as $6,000.

“Parents mistake the amount of money they spend for how good their kid actually is, and derive a sense of entitlement from the cost. Many of these parents believe their kids are faster [rowers] than they actually are.”

Much of the parental misconduct evident on fields and in gymnasiums these days is attributable to the pressures of the so-called youth sports industry, according to Vassar College education professor Christopher Bjork, who is writing a book on the effect of the industry on families.

Private coaches convince parents to quit local recreation leagues, join pay-to-play travel leagues, and sign up for pricey year-round training camps that coaches proclaim will lead to tournaments where colleges scout promising athletes and award scholarships.

As it happens, just 2% of high school athletes are awarded college sports scholarships, most of which amount to just $20,000 or so, according to Niehoff.

Nevertheless, parents wind up paying thousands of dollars to underwrite their kids’ — and their own — dreams of youth-athletic triumph. Hockey games, private coaching, travel, and equipment, for example, can cost $20,000 annually, Bjork said.

Gradually, the entire family dynamic centers on a child’s potential sports success, he added.

As a result, “parents lose perspective,” said Villanova University sociologist Rick Eckstein, an expert on youth sports.

“They begin to think that if an umpire ‘mistakenly’ calls their kid out, that’s a chance the kid lost to hit a home run, and to be recruited by a travel team that will end up at a tournament, greasing a pathway for a scholarship.”

With so much invested, Bjork added, “the tiniest thing on the field can set parents off.”

Brian Barlow, a Tulsa-based referee and TV producer, created the Facebook page “Offside,” which is “built to shame bad parents & highlight referee life isn’t easy!”

He offers $100 for anyone who sends him videos of “referee abuse.” He says he’s received more than 6,000 in the last few years.

His motto: “Think before you berate.”

If that doesn’t work, however, Mano, of the sports officials association, has an idea: “When you act out, your kid gets pulled from the game and doesn’t play.”

It’s draconian, he acknowledges, but, like the Deptford Little League decision to turn trash-talking parents into umpires, it’s an idea worth pursuing.

“We need to draw a line in the sand,” Mano said. “At this point, we’ve gotta get a grip on ourselves.”