As a nonbinary teen, I know Central Bucks isn’t welcoming

I think I knew I was different at a fairly young age.

At first, I thought I was going through a phase, and that I could hide behind pink pretty dresses, long hair, and other things that I thought girls should have until it passed. I didn’t believe that I could be seen as anything other than feminine.

But the phase never passed. In 2018, at age 12, I realized I was bisexual. The following year, I realized I was nonbinary — meaning that I don’t identify as either male or female. When I came out as nonbinary, I only did so to my close group of friends. It was not an easy thing to do, but I was incredibly lucky — my friends accepted me and were supportive. They used my preferred name and “they/them” pronouns instead of “she/her.”

I then came out to my family, who loved me unconditionally and supported me through my journey of discovery, for which I will be forever grateful. I know that not everyone is as fortunate.

At the time, I was a student in the Central Bucks School District, attending Tohickon Middle School. This is the same school district that’s been in the press lately. Parents have accused the district of not being supportive of LGBTQ students after it banned teachers from hanging Pride flags in classrooms, among other allegations. Recently, the principal of Lenape Middle School instructed teachers to use the pronouns listed in the school’s database of students on any awards or certificates, even if those aren’t the student’s preferred pronouns.

I understand why parents are upset. It wasn’t easy being an LGBTQ student at Central Bucks.

When I first came out in middle school as bisexual, I got some interesting reactions. A former friend had a look of disgust on their face after I told them, and stopped talking to me at school; they later blocked me on all social media.

When I came out as nonbinary on Snapchat at age 13, someone who went to my school replied to the post by just writing “she” over and over again. They said nothing else. I immediately blocked them, only to be messaged by another person in my school with the same word: she. I learned that the person who originally messaged me had made a separate post, tagged me in it, and asked their followers to message me the word she over and over again. When I told a teacher, they said that I wouldn’t have to sit next to this person in class. They didn’t reprimand the student or tell them to stop harassing me online.

“When I came out as nonbinary on Snapchat at 13, someone who went to my school replied to the post by just writing ‘she’ over and over again.”

In 2020, when I was in eighth grade, a rumor that I had used the boys’ bathroom spread quickly throughout my grade. People in the hallways gave me dirty looks, and some of my friends even said things like, “Why would you do that?” I had never used the boys’ bathroom in that school.

I never felt supported by the school and the community. Even though I had the courage to come out and share my new name and pronouns, most teachers and students still referred to me by my old name and pronouns. I never felt like teachers and staff would defend me against attacks from other students. When we switched to remote learning because of the pandemic, part of me was relieved. I needed a break from this unwelcoming environment.

» READ MORE: Central Bucks parents protest removal of Pride flags and other actions they say are hostile to LGBTQ students

In October 2020, during my ninth-grade year at Tohickon, I heard about another nearby school that seemed like it would be a better fit for me, since it had a more diverse student body. So after starting the year at Tohickon, I transferred to the Lehigh Valley Charter High School for the Arts. Even though classes were still held remotely, from the moment I joined this community, I felt so much better. On my first day of classes, my teachers asked me for my pronouns and preferred name. And everyone used it.

Looking back at what I had to endure in my day-to-day life at Central Bucks is shocking to me, and if I’m being honest, I don’t know how I did it. I am now doing much better academically and socially. Since leaving Central Bucks, I have learned to accept myself for who I am because I don’t have the pressure to be someone that I’m not. I’m just a happier person, being in a place where I am seen and heard.

I wish all LGBTQ students and staff could have such a supportive environment — but I imagine that most don’t. And look at the consequence: I left my school. How many other students and staff have to leave their schools before districts realize how important it is to make every student — no matter who they are — feel safe at school?

The solution is really simple: Let LGBTQ students be who they are. Teach other students how to be kind to someone who is different. Celebrate everything that makes each of us unique. If not, schools are going to have a lot of unhappy students who drop out. Or worse.

Requis Sherby lives in Doylestown and is a 10th-grade student at the Lehigh Valley Charter High School of the Arts.