I’m a veteran. Getting help with my mental health changed my life.

I am a mother, a Black woman, and a veteran. I’m also a survivor of a suicide attempt.

In 2016, I was discharged from the military following a diagnosis of depression. I was in a custody battle and felt like I was losing everything.

Given my background, I knew I was predisposed to some degree of mental stress. But I didn’t realize how much I could be affected by a series of negative experiences in motherhood, 11 years of service in the Pennsylvania Army National Guard, and the overall stress of being a Black woman in America.

The stigmas surrounding mental health in my community, the military, and my family made it feel extremely difficult for me to find the courage to ask for help. As a member of the National Guard not on federal active service, I was ineligible for Veterans Affairs health-care services and benefits, even though my depression was connected to my service. But one day I realized: If my depression and anxiety were cancer, I wouldn’t wait until it was in stage four to treat it. After surviving a suicide attempt, I asked for help.

“One day I realized: If my depression and anxiety were cancer, I wouldn’t wait until it was in stage four to treat it.”

I received care at the Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at the University of Pennsylvania in 2016, which provides care — free of charge — for active duty, reserves, National Guard members, and veterans, regardless of their discharge status or VA benefits eligibility.

Getting help changed my life for the better. My story is a reminder of how important it is for all of us — especially veterans — to prioritize our mental health and take advantage of the resources that are available to us.

I didn’t know what to expect when I began care. I thought I would just talk about my feelings. But that’s only one part of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which focuses on helping you make changes to improve your quality of life.

For me, this therapy was a game changer. It helped me understand that although I cannot change or control a situation, I can change and control how I think and feel about a situation.

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For instance, the “5-4-3-2-1 coping technique” helps activate all five senses and filter out anxious thoughts. To use this technique, first try to find five things you can see, four things you can feel, and three sounds from the environment. Paying attention to these sensory cues helps turn down the volume on anxious thoughts. Then, try to focus on two things you can smell. You may not smell anything at first, but take a moment to inhale deeply and regain control of your breathing. Lastly, try to remember one taste from a happy memory, such as a piece of your favorite candy, chewing gum, or a mint.

As I practiced this technique, it became second nature. I became less anxious about what I could not control and more interested in mastering what I could control. As part of CBT treatment for depression, I also set goals to learn about mental health, serve the veteran community, and around effective coparenting. These goals helped me feel optimistic, even in negative situations.

I am now an advisory board member for the Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at the University of Pennsylvania. I advocate for accessible mental health services for veterans, like myself, and anyone struggling with their mental health. I speak publicly about my experiences and how I began healing by learning about mental health and treatment options. I encourage others to reach out for help and began their healing journeys — especially National Guard members who do not typically receive the same physical and mental health care coverage as active-duty members of the military.

I highly encourage friends and families of people struggling with their mental health to continue supporting your loved ones, which will help end the stigma around seeking treatment.

Reaching out for help, and doing the work to heal, is hard. But this Memorial Day, I challenge veterans and the people who love them to remember that help is available. The work is hard, but the result — a happier life and a future to look forward to — is worth it.

Darcel A. Rideout is an advisory board member for the Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at the University of Pennsylvania, a mental health advocate, and a veteran of the Pennsylvania Army National Guard.