Dads, we need to support paid leave for all | Opinion

Leading up to the birth of my daughter in 2019, I polled every parent I knew about what to expect and advice they had for someone who was excited but unsure about this journey. Advice included cherishing sleep, taking lots of pictures, and writing down all of the “firsts.”

But nothing could have properly prepared me for how crucial those first few weeks at home would be.

The delivery was complicated and ultimately forced us to go home while our newborn slept in the NICU — an emotional pain I can barely describe. We went home and purchased baby pajamas and sleep sacks and bottles and breast pumps. When we brought our daughter home, the process of adjusting and bonding was difficult. I had held very few babies in my life and was now responsible for caring for this human being that I had only related to as a bump on my wife’s stomach.

This may surprise those who know me, as my entrance to parenthood is typically seen through carefully curated social media posts. I share the joyful moments and countless giggles, but know that it’s not always so easy; there are also tired nights and meltdowns.

But the experience has been a joy I wouldn’t trade. Holding my daughter for the first time, hearing her laugh, watching her smile, and seeing her take in the world fills me with a happiness I didn’t know existed. Everything about this transformative experience would have been so much harder without paid family leave.

“Fathers have a responsibility to advocate for policies that support our families.”

My employer at the time of my daughter’s birth worked with me on a paid leave plan that fit my family’s needs without compromising my work. I took off a staggered eight weeks — four weeks immediately following my daughter’s birth, then a flexible return while my wife continued to rest and bond, then an additional four weeks while she began her return to work.

I’m well aware that I am one of the lucky ones: Less than 20% of Americans have clearly defined paid leave benefits from their employer. (My wife’s leave after childbirth was all unpaid.)

No one’s parenting experience should come down to luck.

Congress has the opportunity to help every parent spend time in those crucial early days with their children by making sure that paid leave for all is included in President Joe Biden’s Build Back Better agenda, which the version that passed the House of Representatives is proposing mandating four weeks of paid leave for all workers. This is a good start, but four weeks is not nearly enough time.

Having paid leave to stay home with my newborn was crucial, but so is having support when you come back to work. My employers and colleagues have offered flexible scheduling (such as letting me schedule work around nap schedules and planning hybrid work around child care needs), as well as parenting advice, camaraderie, and understanding. By setting the tone of an office that embraces family life, my family and career have been able to flourish.

I recognize my privilege as a father in this situation. While women are often penalized at work for becoming mothers — through obvious ways like being denied promotions and less obvious ways like not being asked to participate in tougher assignments — men are often rewarded for parenthood, even earning more money after becoming dads. That’s why a federal mandate for paid family leave is so important: It helps level the playing field.

» READ MORE: Four weeks of paid family leave isn’t enough. American women need to go on strike. | Opinion

And dads need paid leave, too, particularly in those crucial early weeks home with a newborn. Babies require 24-hour care, much more than one person (the mom) can provide. For instance, when my wife was still breastfeeding, I slept through the night while she woke up to nurse, and in return, my wife napped throughout the day while I bottle-fed.

Fathers have a responsibility to advocate for policies that support our families.

In this moment of negotiating and defining what “Building Back Better” means, Congress cannot leave the conversation at roads and bridges. While infrastructure investments are of critical importance, our families have been struggling for too long and need the same support we are providing to our highways and trains.

Max Weisman is the communications director for Councilmember Isaiah Thomas and a parent living in East Falls.