Running on fumes and fury: As COVID restrictions roll back, my kid still can’t get vaccinated | Expert Opinion

Do you hear that constant, low-level roar in the distance? That’s the collective primal scream from parents of kids under the age of 5.

We’re still here. We haven’t gone away. And yet the nation and our region have forgotten what it’s like to be us.

I am a primary care physician with three children ages 7, 5, and 2. The word exhausting doesn’t begin to describe how COVID-19 has been for our family.

The beginning of the pandemic was terrifying: I had to go to work and see patients. Even with an N95, I double-masked. I wore eye protection. I changed clothes before hugging my kids. I did whatever I could to not bring COVID-19 home to my family. Thankfully, that protection worked, and none of us were diagnosed with the infection. Each time one of us became eligible for vaccination, I breathed a little easier.

» READ MORE: There will always be germs. Let your kid go to the birthday party. | Expert Opinion

But I’m not breathing easier now. Instead, I feel discouraged, disappointed, and sad. My 2-year-old still isn’t eligible for the vaccine, and the more restrictions we lift, the more it feels as if I can’t possibly prevent her from getting COVID-19. On Wednesday, Moderna officials announced that they would seek emergency authorization of the vaccine for children under 6 years old. It’s a heartening step, but why did it take so long? And like many parents, I won’t feel fully safe until my kids have both shots — a date that is, at minimum, months away.

As recently as a few weeks ago, pandemic life was manageable. Most people were wearing masks indoors, and it appeared the Food and Drug Administration was on the verge of authorizing a vaccine for children under 5. I felt comfortable letting my kids shake off the difficulties of pandemic life and do things again, such as indoor rock climbing, going to the library, or visiting a museum. But once the CDC abruptly eased its mask recommendations for our area, people seemed to interpret that as meaning the pandemic was over. Schools dropped their safety protocols, Philadelphia lifted its indoor mask mandate, and almost everyone cheered a return to “normalcy.”

Don’t the city and surrounding communities realize that lifting restrictions makes it harder for many of us to return to “normalcy”? I’m not just talking about parents of young children, but also people who remain vulnerable to COVID-19, such as the immunocompromised who would also like to shop at a grocery store, go to the pharmacy, worship at a church, or visit a museum. All of us deserve normalcy, too. Instead, we’ve been thrust back into the early chaotic days of the pandemic where we are constantly recalculating our own families’ risk assessment. Do we need to hoard personal stockpiles of N95 masks? How many unmasked individuals attending an event make participation unsafe?

Continued mask-wearing meant my husband and I, as well as our two older children, could go to work and school without worrying about making our youngest sick. I also did whatever I could to reduce her risk: For instance, I made my oldest leave school and come home for lunch every day.

Now, whenever we go anywhere, we must hope the people around us will wear a mask if they are unvaccinated or have COVID-19, and if not, that our masks will protect us. But I don’t have confidence that this “one-way” masking will be enough, nor that everyone will follow correct masking procedures.

As a pediatrician, I know that even if my daughter gets COVID-19, she will probably be fine. But not all kids are: The CDC has documented more than 7,000 cases of a serious complication known as Multisystem Inflammatory Syndrome in Children, which can be deadly. So, yes, most kids are fine, but tell that to the parents of the thousands who developed MIS-C. I also know that we are still trying to fully understand COVID-19, and there may be long-term complications still to be seen.

It has been very hard to watch the people around us eating at restaurants, shopping maskless, and having parties. We want to do all those things, too. But for parents of children under 5, nothing is normal yet. It would have been nice to wait to lift restrictions until everyone was eligible for the vaccine.

At this point, it feels as if no matter what I do, it’s only a matter of time before my youngest gets COVID-19. I’m talking to my older children, trying to reassure them that if they bring it home by accident and she gets sick, they shouldn’t feel guilty. It won’t be their fault. I’m still doing everything I can to protect her, even though I’m running on fumes and fury from having to do this for the last two years. I just know it probably won’t be enough.

Erin Kelly is a physician specializing in internal medicine and pediatrics and practices in Philadelphia.