The Derek Chauvin verdict is in. These are the lessons of this painful year, and where to go from here. | Elizabeth Wellington

The stress of the last year made my heart pound inside my chest Tuesday as I waited for the verdict in the Derek Chauvin murder trial.

My hands shook. My head started to ache.

The jury had to find Chauvin guilty. I couldn’t go on if Chauvin was set free after the way he so callously murdered George Floyd. How would the rest of the country fare? Please Lord, let jury members believe their eyes.

A little after 5 p.m. Judge Peter Cahill delivered the news: The 12-person jury convicted Chauvin of second-degree murder, third-degree murder, and second-degree manslaughter. Derek Chauvin was guilty on all charges. I watched the 45-year-old former police officer drop his head in shame and leave the courtroom in police custody. His bail was revoked.

At long last, justice had been served.

» READ MORE: Derek Chauvin found guilty on all charges in murder of George Floyd

I spent the last year avoiding the video of Chauvin choking Floyd to death with his knee. While I refused to watch it, or even much of the trial for that matter, I was painfully aware of the gravitas. The defense basically blamed Floyd for his own death. Their argument: He deserved to die because he used drugs. If his death wasn’t unjust enough, the trial picked away even further at his humanity .

Racial injustice has always been a part of Black life. It’s like a dull knife constantly thrust in our backs and in the depths of our souls. But in this last year, the reality of the world we live in has been like a cloud of locusts hanging over our heads ready to consume us.

If Chauvin was freed, sure, buildings might have burned and there would have been protests in the streets. But the real tragedy would have been that after the dust cleared, those of us fighting for justice and our humanity would have lost hope. We would have been in pain. America would have moved to a very, very, dark place. It would be hard to keep fighting in a world where it would be deemed OK for a man to lose his life in such a way. What would we really be fighting for?

Tuesday’s verdict has given us a respite. We can believe in our criminal justice system a little bit more today than we did yesterday. Yes, it’s still broken. As long as it looked possible that Chauvin could have gotten off, we’ve got work to do. But the fight for justice has not been rendered impossible. It’s still hard, but not impossible.

One of the lessons I’ve learned is to never give up on activism. Despite a raging pandemic, people of all races, colors, and creeds took to the streets. Those who didn’t march came up with action plans on Zoom. White people listened to their friends of color in ways they never listened before. They didn’t want to be a part of the problem anymore. That took courage.

» READ MORE: Race-based hate is out there, but it’s inside of us, too. Here is how to disrupt the pattern. | Elizabeth Wellington

More importantly we — especially Black people — learned the importance of self-care. Black people have always marched for freedom in the face of rising doom, gloom, and utter despair. If only white people could see us, we lamented. In this year and in this moment, Black people began to collectively see ourselves without any thought of the white gaze. We demanded that we not work alone. Our allies had no choice but to fight for our humanity with us. We also knew when we had too much. And when we did, we turned off the television, we stopped doom scrolling, we took warm baths, we shut it down. And when we stopped talking, we were still heard. That’s new.

“We also can be proud that we kept our foot on the gas and didn’t let up,” said Ebony White, an assistant clinical professor of psychology at Drexel University’s counseling and family therapy department. “Yes, the correct verdict was handed down, but the violent policing in Black communities and against Black people continues. After this verdict, we need to take a collective exhale and allow ourselves to properly breathe. But after we celebrate we must rejuvenate and keep working.”

» READ MORE: Yes, celebrate Derek Chauvin’s conviction, but we’re not done. Not by a long shot | Jenice Armstrong

By no means are we done. Black people know this. And so do our allies. The George Floyd case is over. Yet Daunte Wright’s is on the horizon. There is still no justice for Breonna Taylor, Freddie Gray, and Trayvon Martin. Yet, we are exhausted. How do we stay focused and care for our mental health when we feel like we are on the brink of collapse? Here is some advice:

Take a moment in gratitude. It’s OK to feel relieved. Chauvin’s conviction won’t bring Floyd back, but it reinforced the truth that neither Floyd or any person should be treated in such an inhumane way. It’s a shame that it took this kind of loss of life to point out that such flagrant hate exists, but perhaps the tide is finally turning. I, for one, am grateful that Chauvin was held accountable. Given the history of this country, that cannot be taken lightly.

Tune out for a bit. Turn off your social media alerts. Take a media day off. We know what this trial has meant and will mean for us in the future. Instead of hanging on every word of your favorite pundit, take a walk; go for a swim. Call your favorite young person. Make a vision board: What do you want your antiracist world to look like? Dare to dream.

Find a safe space. As soon as the verdict hit, my phone lit up with friends asking me if I was OK. These are my safe people. These are the people I will talk my feelings through with as the days unfold and I feel my hands shaking again. If the anxiety is still overwhelming — living in the aftermath can be more jarring than the real event — seek counseling. This has been a hard year, a hard month, and a hard week. Affirming ourselves is so necessary at this time, White said. “Taking time to remember and say ‘My life matters. I have value. And I am loved,’ can be a salve to these wounds.”

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