Any idea what Ruben and the Phillies are doing?
The often incoherent, grammatically challenged ramblings of a man who has watched too much sports, listened to too much music, and devoured too many club sandwiches.
IT'S A WEEK OFF for the Eagles, so that means Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro can't hide behind the NFL schedule for a few days.
And the first question of the day is simple:
Can anybody figure out the game plan being pursued by the Phillies ?
The best guess here is that Amaro wants to take some of the heat off Ryan Howard by making moves that put all the heat on the front office. No matter how bad Howard looks against lefties this season, the front office is likely to look even worse.
Really Ruben, Marlon Byrd? And THREE years for Carlos Ruiz?
Forget the money, it just makes no sense to bring Byrd into the picture. There are warning signs everywhere on this guy, from PED's to the fact he had a big year on the final year of a contract.
And three years is just too long for Chooch.
At some point the Phillies have to actually commit to a younger lineup. It might hurt at first to lose Ruiz, but a move like that would simply force the Phils to re-load.
Now, in a most hypocritical proposal, it is suggested here the Phils inquire about Brewers slugger Ryan Braun. Yes – like Byrd – he has the PED issue, but it says here his natural abilities and power are more than worth the risk.
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The most bizarre story of the week – aside from Jose Canseco being stopped for a traffic violation only to have the police discover two goats in the vehicle -- was the saga of former Eagles Shawn Andrews and Donovan McNabb.
Andrews is the former offensive lineman who now claims he was the victim of some degree of bullying. Seems he thinks McNabb was behind some rumors about Andrews' sexuality.
McNabb denied the allegations, but as usual he only did so with his "woe-is-me" refrain. He looked at it as yet another Philly sling or arrow aimed at his reputation.
From this perspective, those two donkeys deserved each other. When one decides to Hee, the other should Haw.
And about those goats -- only one was wearing a diaper.
Honest.
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All right class, all of you who miss John Bolaris raise your hands. Hmmm – thought so ...
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I still refuse to believe the Philadelphia Flyers have three gingers on the same line, Claude Giroux, Scott Hartnell, and Jake Voracek. And they wonder why things go sideways from time to time.
Speaking of Hartnell, does anybody else miss his long hair? I always thought it was cool, because it was neat to see what it would look like if a Labradoodle tried to skate. By the way Hartnell still stumbles enough that I never know if he's number 19 or 61.
But give Hartnell high grades for turning that skating fault into a very significant charity, The Hartnell Down Foundation. They do great work and need to be recognized ...
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Foodie advice here, the best fish sandwich in the city is waiting for you at Jerry's Bar in NoLibs. Can't go wrong with flounder or haddock, whichever happens to be on the menu.
And why can't I get a Bud or Coors at most of those Hipster bars across the city. It's nice to have to craft beers, but there is something un American about withholding the King of Beers, – even if it isn't really owned by Americans anymore.
On that subject of hipsters, there will soon be an outdoor skating rink at the Piazza in Northern Liberties. So, what do those people use for ice skates – burlap bags with recyclable aluminum blades?
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I propose a Big Five game this season featuring the Holy War between Villanova and St. Joes in which Phil Martelli has to wear one of Jay Wright's billion-dollar suits – and Wright has to borrow some of Martelli's duds.
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Will somebody stop by the Wells Fargo Center and tell the Sixers that enough is enough. There is no need to win more than a handful of games this season.
When and if they win a dozen games, let's get some British guy to coach the team. Except for Andy Murray, those Brits are really good at gritting their bad teeth, trying really, really hard -- and coming away with nothing.
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Props of all sorts to local band Dr. Dog for another great album, B Room and make it a must to see these guys January 31 and February 1 at The Electric Factory.
Speaking of the Factory, saw a boxing match there recently, and it is a venue made for prize fighting.
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Thanksgiving is coming up shortly. Take the time to pause and give thanks that Rob Ford is that mayor of Toronto and not an American city.
And while we're at it, we can also give thanks that it has not been cold enough for Howard Eskin to show up on the Eagles sideline with a fur coat. Sometimes I wish the Eagles would play on a cold day in Pittsburgh during hunting season -– and Eskin would be stalked by a deer hunter.
Mind you, at worst it would result in nothing more than a flesh wound.
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The best name in college football is Oregon kicker Alejandro Moldanado.
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Okay, does this make me a bad guy? Every time I see the awesome video that's gone viral of the Norwegian hockey player celebrating, it reminds me of Hugh Douglas.
Must be the number 53.
Every time I see Alex Rodriguez I see the south end of a north-bound horse. Same holds true for Bud Selig – and Andrew Bynum makes three.
Anybody who reads this blog and thinks I am ripping off former man-of-letters George Frazier, you are right indeed.
Nuf Ced.
Al Morganti is a member of the WIP Morning Show (94.1 FM) weekday mornings from 5:30 til 10 and a hockey analyst for Comcast SportsNet. His twitter handle is @nufced.