Ask Amy | His female roomie has her uneasy

Dear Amy:

I started dating an interesting, funny, kind and charming man about two months ago. We have a wonderful time together, and there are all kinds of sparks of attraction. He says that we should "just have fun and see where the relationship goes."

Then I met his female roommate, and I felt an odd undercurrent about their closeness.

I asked him whether he and his "roomie" had ever been romantically linked, and he admitted that they had - for a year - but that he had hesitated to tell me.

When the relationship was over, he said, they had gone their separate ways until both needed someone to share the rent, and they moved in together again last year, as friends. It is clear that his emotional compass is very sensitive to hers.

We've only been dating a short while, so perhaps I should just wait and see whether further red flags appear. He's a great guy, and I don't want to come across as overly suspicious. And I don't wish to create a wedge in what is clearly a close friendship. But I also don't want to further risk my heart if I'm just the one he kisses, then she's the one he goes home to.

Do you have any counsel for me?

Dear Woman: Anybody worth having is going to have emotional attachments to other people. He'll have family members, friends and even exes he's close to. The question is whether this other relationship interferes with the one you two are trying to have. Your unease tells me that it is. He should be as open as you need him to be in discussing this with you.

Your guy is right, however, that you should "have fun and see where this relationship goes." Your instincts are to be wary, but don't be so careful that you neglect to take some emotional risks. You need to figure out whether your guy is willing to take these risks too.