Exploring bridal obsession

Those little obsessions that come up during an engagement might be telling you something about your shifting identity.

In her book Emotionally Engaged, bridal counselor Allison Moir-Smith writes that seemingly abnormal fixation on a tiny wedding detail can actually be a metaphor for something a bride-to-be is dealing with as she moves toward married life.

Brides-to-be will often try to hide their obsession for fear that friends and family will declare them Bridezilla, Moir-Smith writes. But if they think about it carefully, they can learn something, she says.

She tells the story of Pauline, who struggled to maintain her relationships with four close friends who were single. Pauline became obsessed with place cards, and searched far and wide for the perfect ones.

Moir-Smith asked her to think about why she was obsessed with that particular detail - what did place cards mean to her?

Turns out Pauline had focused on place cards because she was concerned about where to place her best girlfriends, whose reactions to her engagement and marriage-to-be had consumed a lot of emotional energy. She realized it was "a way for me to figure out how to place them, so to speak, in my new life as a wife."

Moir-Smith offers an exercise to help brides figure out the meaning behind their wedding-day obsession:

To find the metaphor in your secret tiny detail, dissect it. Consider what the detail itself means, and think about the physical act of getting the detail just right (what does tying 300 bows mean, metaphorically?). Explore what it tells you about what you're engaged in psychologically (are you tying up loose ends, or reworking friendships?).

Finally, reflect on how it's helping you get what you need emotionally (working with plants and potting soil, for example, can help you ground yourself) and how it's helping you transition into your future.

- Kellie Patrick