For technical and artistic . . . oh, forget it

Like Zoolander with a Zamboni, Blades of Glory is a goofball farce with a pair of preening adversaries who are forced to put aside their differences, and learn to work together.

That these two guys are played by Will Ferrell and Jon Heder, and that their roles as champion figure skaters require them to do spirals and lutzes and wear form-fitting costumes made of colors and fabrics that would make a Vegas showgirl run for her life - well, it's an ugly job, but somebody's got to do it.

Dumb with a capital D, Blades of Glory takes its (almost) fleshed-out sketch-comedy idea as far as an ice-skating buddy movie with we're-not-gay jokes and a psycho stalker can go.

Ferrell, fresh from lampooning NASCAR culture in Talladega Nights (and not so fresh from his seriocomic turn in the ambitious nonhit Stranger Than Fiction), plays Chazz Michael Michaels, a bad-boy skater who loves the ladies almost as much as he loves himself - and who dazzles his legion of screaming fans with rocking, rolling artistry on ice.

Heder, bringing some of his Napoleon Dynamite dunderheadedness to the proceedings (is he capable of leaving it behind? - don't think so), is Jimmy MacElroy, a skating prodigy plucked from an orphanage by a millionaire sports impresario and trained from grade school to leap, whirl and wow the crowds.

At the world championships, these rink rivals - one dressed like a rock star, the other like, well, a peacock - tie for the gold. Standing on the dais, the national anthem tooting over the loudspeakers, the cowinners start shoving and tussling and fighting.

The scene is an international embarrassment. A hearing is held, and the governing body does the only thing it can: Chazz and Jimmy are barred from ever competing again.

Several years of shame and shoddy employment ensue. Chazz is an evil (and drunk) wizard in a cheapo kiddie show on ice, while Jimmy's selling shoes and skates in a sporting-goods store. And then one day, Jimmy's stalker buddy approaches, armed with the skating federation's rulebook. There's a loophole: While neither can compete again in the men's singles, there's nothing preventing them from entering the figure-skating pairs division. And there's nothing saying a pair can't be male and male.

With Blades of Glory's premise firmly established, co-directors Will Speck and Josh Gordon bring in a coach (TV's Coach, Craig T. Nelson) and bring on the training montages. They also introduce Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg - a brother/sister skating duo played by real-life husband-and-wife comedy stars Will Arnett and Amy Poehler.

The Van Waldenbergs, whose relationship is perhaps not as healthy as it should be (Incest on Ice, anyone?), provide the requisite skulduggery at the heart of any self-respecting cutthroat sports yarn. The Van Waldenbergs also have a prim and proper sister (The Office's Jenna Fischer) whom Jimmy takes a liking to, further complicating matters.

Ferrell, acting loud, obnoxious and hairy, can do this stuff in his sleep, and sometimes he probably is - but not when he's spinning around on skates, mugging to the stadium throngs. Heder is better deployed than in the recent School for Scoundrels, but the limitations of the Napoleon Dynamite star are becoming painfully apparent.

At least Heder's verbal sparring with Ferrell - prissy boy versus macho man - produces laughs.

Produced by Ben Stiller, John Jacobs and Stuart Cornfeld, directed by Will Speck and Josh Gordon, written by Jeff Cox, Craig Cox, John Altschuler and David Krinsky, photography by Stefan Czapsky, music by Theodore Shapiro, distributed by Paramount Pictures.

Running time: 1 hour, 33 mins.

Chazz Michael Michaels. . . Will Ferrell

Jimmy MacElroy. . . Jon Heder

Stranz. . . Will Arnett

Fairchild. . . Amy Poehler

Katie. . . Jenna Fischer

Parent's guide: PG-13 (comic violence, mayhem, profanity, adult themes)

Playing at: area theaters

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