Sideshow | Steve Martin's silly syllabary

"I'm not sure why I did this," says actor/author

Steve Martin

of

The Alphabet From A to Y

, his first children's book. It seems only natural that a 62-year-old man who has never had any kids would write one.

(The alphabet?! So what happened to Z? Martin moved it to the subtitle, "With Bonus Letter Z.")

"I don't know why an alphabet book popped into my head," said Martin, who made the book with New Yorker cartoonist Roz Chast. Martin's plan "was to write these rhyming couplets with the craziest images I could possibly think up, and then have" Chast illustrate them.

Martin has facility with post-Dr.-Seussian surrealism. His entry for H:

"Henrietta the hare wore a habit in heaven/

Her hairdo hid hunchbacks: one hundred and seven."

As for his own fave letter?

"I always liked Q," he said. "It has that funny little doodad at the bottom."

The Las Vegas Review-Journal and UPI report that members of

Robert Goulet

's family have confirmed that the singer has been hospitalized at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in L.A. since last week after being diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis, a serious condition that usually requires a lung transplant.

Goulet, who has won a Tony, an Emmy and a Grammy, is reportedly on a ventilator. No other details were available.

Goulet successfully fought prostate cancer in the early '90s. The singer, who turns 74 next month, has lived for many years next door to Wayne Newton in Vegas.

Trouble is, it's of the most pathetically wrong kind: CBS has canceled the new drama

Viva Laughlin

after two episodes.

Viewers and critics alike were confounded by the drama, exec-produced by Hugh Jackman, about a pro gambler who opens a casino. A lackluster copy of BBC's Viva Blackpool, it featured characters who would suddenly break into song à la The Singing Detective. (It also confounded basic expectations of aesthetic quality.)

Sunday's episode drew 6.8 mil viewers.

Is

Ellen DeGeneres

a habitual dog re-gifter?

That's what one Kerri Randles suggests. The actress and producer tells celeb&ent TV show Inside Edition, "Ellen dumped my dog."

Last week Ellen had an almost Zelda Fitzgerald-sized breakdown on TV when the shelter where she adopted a dog took the pooch back after learning that Ellen had re-gifted it to her hairdresser. Ms. Randles says two years ago, she gave - out of the goodness of her own heart - Ellen a pooch named Stormy.

She said she was appalled to learn that Ellen had given Stormy to a member of her staff!

"I was totally shocked, [Ellen] was acting like she was out of her mind," said Randles. "What I found was that she was totally neurotic about every little detail."

The show does not mention any comments from Ellen's reps.

Newspapers across the land note that

Carnival Ride

, the sophomore CD from

American Idol

winner

Carrie Underwood

, which has been preceded by months of buzz, is out -

today

!

Its first single, "So Small," is No. 5 on the Hot Country Songs chart.

Josh Hartnett

's rousing, heart-ripped-out-of-

your-chest vampire flick 30 Days of Night (which will scare the daylights out of you or I'll give you your money back*) was top dog in the box-office wars in its opening weekend, making $16 mil. The life-affirming artist Tyler Perry's life-affirming affirmation Why Did I Get Married? made $12.1 mil, falling a rung from last week to No. 2.

The Rock's cute-till-you-vomit family pic The Game Plan, about a pink-tutu-wearing girly girl who moves in with her single he-man dad who never knew she existed, was third, making $8.1 mil. It has made nearly $70 mil since it opened at the beginning of the month. (* Footnote: Just kidding about giving you your money back.)

In remarks bound to anger citizens various and sundry, Brit author

Doris Lessing

, who turned 88 yesterday, says in an interview with the Spanish paper El Pais that even though "September 11 was terrible . . . if one goes back over the history of the IRA, what happened to the Americans wasn't that terrible."

In Sunday's interview, Lessing said "many people died, two prominent buildings fell, but it was neither as terrible nor as extraordinary as they think. They're a very naive people, or they pretend to be."

Lessing has never hesitated to speak her mind. The Nation reports that earlier this month, she was coming home from grocery shopping when a gaggle of reporters told her she had just won the Nobel for literature.

Her reaction? "I couldn't care less."

David Copperfield

has canceled a slew of shows in Southeast Asia, including stops in Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia and Singapore, days after it was revealed that the illusionist is under investigation by the FBI. Reportedly, there is an allegation that

Claudia Schiffer

's ex-hubby "forced himself" on an unnamed woman.

After weeks of fighting off intense media speculation that she is pregnant with

Marc Anthony

's child,

Jennifer Lopez

now gives you, America, a chance to check out her belly for yourself! J.Lo will sing "Do It Well" tonight on ABC's

Dancing With the Stars

.