Steve and Mia: Her boyfriend wants to make a sex tape

Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a 20-something single immersed in the Center City dating scene. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. If you'd like an answer to your romantic troubles, e-mail them at S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M c/o Daily News, Box 7788, Philadelphia, PA 19101.

Q: My boyfriend wants to make some videotapes of us having sex. But I'm worried about what would happen if we break up. I don't want to see myself naked on YouTube or something. Is there a way to do this so that no one gets hurt?

Mia:Unfortunately, dating is a full-contact sport. Everyone gets hurt. But as for the video . . . you have a few options. You could insist on keeping the master copy yourself. Or you could make it on a computer and erase it from the hard drive later. But your safest bet is not to make one. Just buy some porn instead.

Steve: Is your boyfriend a film student? Maybe he'll make you a star! If not, in 21st-century America, here's the best policy: Assume anything you've ever written and any photo or video of you will eventually become public. So proceed on that basis.

Q: My wife is bisexual. I knew this when we got together, but she said she would be monogamous and it wasn't a big deal. We've been together 10 years, and lately she's been bugging me to let her have sex with a woman. She says I could be there or we could do a threesome. I know this is a fantasy for a lot of men, but not me. I'm worried she'll leave me if I don't do this. What should I do?

Steve: Whether she has sex with a woman, a man or a sheep, it's still cheating. Remind her of her promise to be monogamous. Then discuss your sex life and see if you can find out why she wants to be with another woman. Perhaps you can work out some compromises in your sex life that will make her happier.

Mia: Like, you could wear a wig and a bra! This is a fantasy scenario turned upside down, eh? But, yes, sleeping with another woman is still cheating and would likely change the dynamic between the two of you. Maybe you could explore something else instead, like bondage or role play.

Q: As a gift for me, my wife did a boudoir-style photo shoot. She gave me all these pictures of herself in pin-up poses wearing lingerie. She thinks they're really sexy and is very proud of them, but I think they're tacky and awful. Should I tell her?

Steve: While honesty is always the best policy in marriage, there is a difference between honesty and frankness. If you wish, try this experiment: First, after looking at her photos, tell your wife that you think she is lovely and you are very attracted to her. Say no more about her pin-up shoot. See her reaction. Let some time pass and then tell her frankly that her photos are tacky and awful. Again, see her reaction. This will make it easy to never confuse honesty and frankness.

Mia: I also think complete honesty in a marriage is not always the best policy. We all need to hear a little white lie - i.e., "No, you don't look fat" or "Yes, I love watching baseball with you" - once in a while. Please, NEVER tell your wife that you think these photos are tacky. She did this for you, and the fact that she is devoted enough to dress up like Bettie Page is really very sweet. *