Ask Amy: How to locate a good therapist

Dear Amy:

I have noticed that you suggest a "mental health professional" when the situation warrants it. Could you provide pointers on how to find one?

I have friends who have gone to psychiatrists/psychologists, but want to keep this private. I'm shy about asking them.

Dear Seeking: I have found therapists for myself through personal referrals, physician referrals, and by calling a teaching hospital. I have found therapists for others by checking the American Psychological Association's Web site, apa.org.

The site has a "psychologist locator" tool; you type your zip code and see a database of therapists, with specialties.

Call or e-mail and outline what you're seeking. It might take a few calls to find a good fit.

If you see a doctor regularly, start there. He or she knows your health issues and family history.

It takes bravery to start, but the best therapists understand and will respond to your discomfort with compassion.

Dear Amy: Recently I was on medical leave for eight weeks. After I returned, a coworker went on medical leave. My supervisor sent her a lovely food basket from the department.

I didn't receive nor did I expect flowers or a food basket, but I still feel hurt.

I hesitate to talk to my supervisor because I'm not a member of her clique.

Dear Recovering: What you should do is nothing. Life isn't fair, and I agree that your supervisor was insensitive. Your wounded feelings are understandable.

The dynamic in most office environments is just like middle school - but with male-pattern baldness. Cliques, favoritism, and bullying are present. The difference is you get paid to be there.

Determine that you will get over this, and you will.