Sideshow: Timberlake and Biel uncouple

We at "SideShow" are in mourning.

Justin Timberlake

has split from

Jessica Biel

. One of the prettiest celeb couples since January 2007 are pfffft, adiós, kwa heri, I see you never. In a statement Thursday night, their reps confirmed fission and said, "The two remain friends and continue to hold the highest level of love and respect for each other." Rumor: He dumped Jess for

Mila Kunis

.

Tony Danza

has filed for divorce from wife

Tracy

, citing irreconcilable differences. Married 24 years, they'd been separated since 2006. Strike two for Tony: His first marriage, to

Rhonda Yeoman

in 1970, lasted four years.

Jewel

's car collided with a fire truck Friday morning in Stephenville, Texas. Hospital tests say she and her babe-in-progress are OK. She and husband

Ty Murray

can draw a sigh of relief. She learned she was with babe the very first day of her reality TV thing, Bravo's

Going Platinum

.

The

Japanese tsunami

did impact celebrityland. Everyone on the set of

Twilight: Eclipse

was evacuated from the Vancouver Island beach area of British Columbia, Canada, where they were filming. That included stars

Kristen Stewart

and

Taylor Lautner

. And

Jimmy Kimmel

got off an unnamed French Polynesian island as the tsunami neared. Jimmy did, however, find time to tweet: "we are evacuating the island. dogspeed."

The National Book Critics Circle awards came out Thursday night. These are big career-makers - and often idiosyncratic surprises.

For fiction, it was A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan. Nonfiction went to The Warmth of Other Suns, a great book about the migration of African Americans from the South to other parts of the United States in the 20th century, by Isabel Wilkerson. Autobiography went to Half a Life, by Darin Strauss. Biography went to the wonderful How to Live: Or a Life of Montaigne in One Question and Twenty Attempts at an Answer, by Sarah Bakewell. (Raise the roof for Michel de Montaigne, yo! He's our bo-oy!) We're excited about the poetry award, which went to C.D. Wright for One With Others, a lovely book. Criticism went to Lyric Poetry and Modern Politics: Russia, Poland, and the West, by Clare Cavanagh.

Lindsay Lohan

stands at a perilous turn. She faces trial for allegedly shoplifting that necklace in January. If she gets rung up on felony grand theft, max sentence is a year in state prison. But

Judge Keith Schwartz

, trying to avoid a trial, reportedly has offered a sentence of three months, and reportedly LiLo don't wanna - which seems nuts to us. If she refuses, goes to trial, and is convicted,

Judge Stephanie Sautner

would sentence her while looking at LiLo's probation report. And that report, say

Unnamed Sources

, is stinky, with all sorts of violations. LiLo faces another year in the fridge for busting parole. LiLo might be about to parlay three months into two years. Think again, LiLo.

Driving the final nail into the coffin of Western culture, rumors circle, like buzzards of disease, that 20th Century Fox is seeking

Johnny Knoxville

, head jackass of

Jackass

, for the role of

Moe Howard

in a

Three Stooges

movie. See, producers

Peter and Bobby Farrelly

have been fiddling with a Stooges remake for years now. Fox wants to ink a Moe before searching for a

Larry Fine

and a

Curly Howard

. Rumored names include

Benicio Del Toro

,

Sean Penn

, and

Jim Carrey

. No wonder it's taken so long: It's a terrible, terrible idea.

Police paid

Charlie Sheen

a visit Thursday night. Isn't that neighborly? If you call five cop cars and a police helicopter neighborly, yeah. LAPD responded to a call saying Sheen had threatened to harm himself with a gun. He's a registered owner of firearms, but he's barred from having them under a restraining order filed by his dis-spousing wife,

Brooke Mueller

.

All the police found was an 1800s-era rifle and some bullets. No arrest. Chas tweeted later: "the LAPD were AWESOME. Absolute pros! they can protect and serve this Warlock anytime!!!" Kewellll!

Everybody's getting shorter hair.

Kate Winslet

,

Jennifer Aniston

, even

Justin Bieber

- we had to mention him. Now

"Krazy" Katherine Heigl

has curtailed her curls, adopted a less girlish look. Certainly does change her aspect. Any rumors that

R.E.M

.'s

Michael Stipe

is doing the same are just silly, and we abjure them. . . .

Unnamed Sources

, for whom Us mag is named, tell Us the name of

Isla Fisher

and

Sacha Baron Cohen

's widdle scrumbiddly punkin bimpy boo:

Elula Lottie Miriam Cohen

. The babe was born last August, and they named her Elula,

August

in Hebrew.

. . . Colorful, happy, all ready for spring break, the

Girls Gone Wild

bus pulled into a Fort Myers, Fla., beach. Its crew was hoping to find young lovelies to film for their adult vids. But only minutes after their arrival, local cops came and invited them to get the heck out. Seems they needed a "special event permit." Heh-heh.