Sideshow: Kim K. reveals all

In her insidious quest to wreak havoc on the InterWebs, the lightly talented Kim Kardashian kicked it up a notch Wednesday night. The world already knew about her oiled, Ponderosa-like dorsal region, exposed on the "alternate" cover of Paper mag. But Wednesday night, further photos were released from sessions with French photog Jean-Paul Goude, who turned Kim around and got all of her ventral region - yep, that's all of it - while Kim mugged in a porny gape. It went, natch, viral. But nothing we haven't seen before (could it really be more than 10 years since that sex tape?).

But, now: The nude photo had the desired effect. Both Kim K and the slogan #BreakTheInternet - no one knows what that means, actually - were trending high on various social media through Thursday.

But here's something that will shock - just shock! - the universe. That aforementioned photo of Kim's rear was "retouched," says Us Weekly. (You think?). Us quotes Paper editorial director Mickey Boardman as saying nothing was done to make the lady's preternatural posterior look larger. "Every cover of every magazine is airbrushed on some level," Boardman confided to Us. "But what I will say, is, that is her butt. It is not padded. It is not augmented. That is all really her."

Buddy Valastro, star of TLC reality show Cake Boss, was arrested in New York City early Thursday and charged with drunk driving, the AP reports.

Police say they spotted the baker's yellow 2014 Corvette weaving on 10th Avenue in Manhattan northbound between 20th and 32d streets. When pulled over, he was wobbly and flushed and failed a Breathalyzer test. A law enforcement source told celeb website TMZ.com that Valastro's test "blew well above the legal limit."

 We take you now to an announcement that would have led the nightly news in the 1980s, but now is . . . not all that, although it retains curiosity value. We speak of model actress Brooke Shields, who was once the world's best-known, most celebrated celebrity virgin. Her momager, Terri Shields, ugh, made it part of her brand. In Brooke's new memoir, plugplugplug, There Was a Little Girl, she reveals that she retired from virginity at 22 with then-boyfriend Dean Cain, who was super, not only in that way but also later on TV's Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. "He was incredibly and painfully patient with me regarding sex," Brooke writes of her Princeton classmate. "I made him wait and wait and my mom kept track." (Everybody: ewww.)