Tattle: Today is wedding day for Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

WHEN a "beautiful socialite-turned-amateur porn star-turned-reality- TV entrepreneur" weds, as Kim Kardashian will do today, attention must be paid.

The Kimmy and New Jersey Net Kris Humphries nuptials will take place, as these things often do, under great secrecy with details kept under wraps, the better to justify that big payday from People magazine ($500,000, some say) for a pictorial in next week's issue and the E! network's plans for a two-part wedding special on Oct. 9-10.

But privacy ain't worth much in this crazy, new media world - and it's worth even less to a Kardashian. Thus the Web is agog with fact, rumor and legend. So you don't have to, Tattle has done the research and offers these nuptial nuggets:

The relationship: Whirlwind, as the pair hooked up only nine months ago.

Her stats: Age 30; height, 5'2"; position, see above; net worth, $35 million; marriage, 2nd.

His stats: Age 26; height, 6'9"; position, forward; net worth, $8 million; marriage, 1st.

Wedding location: $30 million mansion of Frank Caufield in Montecito, Calif. He's a co-founder of the Silicon Valley venture-capital firm Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers.

Wedding cost: $10 million? $20 million? Something like that. For perspective, Prince William and Kate Middleton's April wedding cost about $60 million.

Wedding dress: Actually, there are two - by Vera Wang, of course - at about $25,000 each.

Bridesmaid outfits: Reportedly green, although Kim denied that yesterday.

Wedding guest outfits: They have been asked to wear black or white. And to bring green.

Gift-'rapping': The couple's registry at Geary's of Beverly Hills includes a $1,650 coffee pot and $1,250 sterling-silver vegetable spoon.

A little something for you: To mark the occasion, Kim's created a limited-edition perfume, Love, selling for $100 a bottle.

Pre-wedding drama: Guest overbooking, which resulted in about 50 invitees' (mostly on Kim stepdad Bruce Jenner's side) being asked not to come or not to bring their plus-one.

Probably not among the 50: Serena and Venus Williams, Nicole Richie, Ryan Seacrest, Kelly Osbourne, La La Vaz-quez, Will and Jada Smith, Jay-Z and Beyoncé, Kanye West.

Best wedding tie-in: Vivid Entertainment, in a sentimental nod to Kim's 2007 unauthorized sex tape "Kim K Superstar" with then-boyfriend rapper Ray J, is having a competition in which the winning couple will get their own honeymoon sex tape, produced by the adult-film studio.

Taking a page, perhaps, from Sophia Loren, Kat von D (honey, try a whole chapter) has created a line of eyeglasses that will be sold exclusively at America's Best stores. The LA Ink line is a bit over the top and comes in colors you'd expect - hot pink, red, lavender and lots of black.

It's been a busy week for Kat. TLC announced this will be the last season of her show, "L.A. Ink." And Jesse James announced, as did Kat, that the couple are bangin' tatts again. She's sporting her engagement ring, too.

"Sometimes you are only given one chance in life," Jesse shared with People mag. "It was up to me to open my eyes and see it."

Dude, could we interest you in some new frames?

Lady Gaga and Cher have recorded a duet, "The Greatest Thing Ever," written by Gaga and RedOne, that will be released in September as the first single from Cher's 26th album, which will come out later this year. Cher's tweeting of a possible tour. Meantime, Gaga will open the MTV Video Music Awards show on Aug. 28.

-Daily News Assistant Features Editor Laurie Conrad contributed to this report.