Taste test: Philly cops sample Federal Donuts

FOOD CRITICS can jaw all they want about Federal Donuts, the new, fancy-pants doughnut and fried chicken shop in Pennsport. But their palates are no match for the most qualified taste-testers in the city: the Philadelphia Police Department.

The cops-and-doughnuts cliche is as enduring as Philly's connection to the cheesesteak. But it might not be wholly accurate. "It's old," said Sgt. John Hoyt, of the 25th District in North Philly. "Look, I like joking around, but I don't know what's worse: When the jokes come from strangers or your own family."

"It's blown out of proportion," said Detective Joe Murray, of Southwest detectives, who isn't even huge on sweets. "We're more addicted to coffee. We're coffee snobs."

But Hoyt, who is tall and fit, must admit: He does love a good doughnut.

Earlier this week, we brought Hoyt and Murray to the new Federal Donuts on South 2nd Street - the much-anticipated partnership between James Beard award-winning chef Michael Solomonov, food writer Felicia D'Ambrosio and Bob Logue and Thomas Henneman of BODHi Coffee - to get their expert opinion on the halo of cakey goodness.

Both Hoyt and Murray have credentials other than their jobs: They refer to themselves as foodies and watch a lot of Food Network shows. "We'll travel for good food. It's the only thing we have to look forward to while we're working," Hoyt said.

The former partners, who worked together in Southwest Philly, sampled four types of doughnuts: the Appollonia (an apple-cinnamon combo), Chile Lime, Key Lime and Honey Glaze. The former are referred to on the menu as "Fresh," made-to-order and dusted with flavored sugars. The latter are deemed "Fancy" (the honey-glazed also comes with each order of fried chicken, Federal Donuts' other specialty).

The fresh doughnuts are meant to be served piping hot, but public demand required the four taste-tested goodies to be squirreled away long before the cops could arrive. (When Federal Donuts opened on Monday at 7 a.m., they were sold out by noon.) But the temperature didn't seem to affect the officers' opinions.

Each variety was an unmitigated success, with words like "tremendous" murmured between doughnut bites. To be extra sure, they both cleansed their palates often with gulps of Stumptown coffee.

Murray and Hoyt agreed that the Key Lime was their favorite. "It wasn't overly tart. I won't eat doughnuts with filling in them - you eat it and it's all over you. It's too much, it's gross," Murray said. "But this was absolutely perfect - the concept and texture. You get the crust and crumbs from it. It even had the little crisps on it."

Next to Key Lime, Hoyt preferred the Appollonia. Both commented that it looked like any sugar-covered doughnut found at Dunkin' Donuts or a cafeteria. "But then the flavor hits you," Hoyt said. "There's nothing ordinary about it."

Murray's second to the Key Lime was the Honey Glazed. He said that if he were to come here in the morning, he would probably choose the Honey Glazed, while the Key Lime was more of an after-lunch treat. "It was light but had a ton of flavor," Murray said of the Honey Glazed. "That's the one I could eat a lot of. I could eat another."

After a bite of the Chile Lime, Murray declared, "Boom!"

"Boom is right," Hoyt agreed.

Yet both ranked the Chile Lime last - not because they didn't like it. It simply lost in comparison with the other varieties.

"I could have the doughnut with the chile with a beer," Murray said.

"That's a great point. It's not so light that it's like a pastry and wouldn't mix," Hoyt said. "The texture is dense enough where you mix it with that heat."

"I would have that with a Corona, I really would," Murray repeated.

The taste test appeared to be a rousing success, but what's the official verdict? "My current opinion is, now I want to try to some chicken," Hoyt said.