Jenice Armstrong | Hyman's demons

ONE OF THE most persistent rumors after

Phyllis Hyman's

suicide in 1995 was that she had been despondent over her love life.

That was an easy conclusion for fans to reach considering the pain-laced lyrics from some of her songs. But as always in life, the real reason the statuesque singer overdosed on sleeping pills at the age of 45 was far more complicated.

"My theory is that she finally hit that wall that she just didn't feel she could go through," her former manager, Glenda Gracia, told me last week. "Phyllis always felt that suicide was an option for her. We talked about it all the time.

"I know it was something on her mind. She had tried it twice before but hadn't succeeded. She would say to me, [life] was too much work. I always hoped she could reach a space where she would really truly have the desire to heal herself and manage her illness."

In addition to battling bipolar disorder, Hyman also suffered from drug and food addictions as well as alcoholism. She'd entered drug rehabilitation facilities a couple of times, but couldn't stay clean for long. At the time of her death, her weight had ballooned to more than 300 pounds and she was experiencing financial difficulties.

"She fought so hard to remain in control, but the truth is that she wasn't," explained Jason A. Michael, author of the recent biography, "Strength of a Woman: The Phyllis Hyman Story" (Jam Books, $16.95). "She would get so nervous. She would get so scared. She had a great fear of success because, deep down, she didn't feel that she really deserved it.

"She thought if she let that mask fall down, the folks around her would no longer love her," he continued. "I think there was a deep sense of shame that Phyllis struggled with . . . she knew she had not always been agreeable, that she had not always treated people well. I think she did have moments of clarity when she saw this."

Not that that was enough to beat back the demons that caused her to overreact, such as the time she flew into a rage after coming offstage and finding that a member of the crew had eaten her barbecued ribs. Or when she sabotaged what could have been a huge career boost by being overbearing during a read-through for the role of Shug Avery in the movie version of "The Color Purple."

"A lot of folks I interviewed said they knew something was wrong," Michael said.

Michael, a Detroit-based music writer, was working for one of Hyman's friends, singer Betty Wright, when Hyman died. He remembers being struck that Wright wasn't at all surprised.

After he learned of Hyman's battles with mental illness, Michael became even more intrigued since, he, too, is bipolar. When the major publishers he contacted passed on a book about Hyman, he decided to do it himself. Michael didn't believe it when they told him that she'd been gone too long. Or that she hadn't been a big enough star to warrant a book deal.

Hyman's one of those music icons whose untimely passing only adds to their mystique. At the time of her death, her fans (myself included) were left wondering: What drove such a talented and beautiful performer to seclude herself in her apartment - hours before she was to perform at the Apollo in what was being billed as a final show - and kill herself?

Even though she'd recently ended a seven-year on-again, off-again relationship with a lesbian lover, she was casually seeing a man in Texas, said Michael, who in addition to talking to both of them, also interviewed Hyman's relatives.

"If it was a lack of love that killed Phyllis, it was that she did not love herself," Michael pointed out. "It wasn't for lack of a man or lack of love. If anything, it was for lack of self love . . . Only Phyllis Hyman could have healed herself. Only Phyllis Hyman could have fixed what was inside her, and she elected not to do that work." *

Philadelphia International legend Kenny Gamble will be a featured speaker at a free book event for "Strength of a Woman: The Phyllis Hyman Story" by Jason A. Michael at 6 tonight at the Sound of Philadelphia's souvenir shop, 309 S. Broad St. Glenda Gracia, Hyman's long-time manager, will also make an appearance.

Beginning at 9 p.m., singer Jean Carne and Dexter Wansel will perform at Warmdaddies along with some of Hyman's band members.

Admission: $10.

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