British rock royalty to play at Olympics closing ceremonies

If the London Olympics opening ceremonies were a feat of theatrical storytelling in a stadium setting, the closing ceremonies are going to be more of a British party, rocking the night away with a program of quintessentially British music.

Sorry, Edward Elgar, we're not sure you're making the cut.

Every source coming out of the UK has somebody different performing, but it seems likely that the show will feature kitsch old and new — the Spice Girls, Take That and One Direction.

"We could have done this 15 times over and not had the same show, and it would still have been full of amazing British music," music director David Arnold told Neil McCormick of the London Telegraph. "It's going to be beautiful, cheeky, cheesy, camp, silly and thrilling. We're trying to have moments where someone from the Cotswolds watching it on TV and someone from a tower block overlooking it in the East End will be able to find something in it of which they can say, 'That's us, really, that's Britain.' "

With so many leaks being misdirection, Tattle can't guarantee that all these acts will actually perform — Pink Floyd denied they'll be there after Ed Sheeran said he was singing with them — but it won't shock anyone, especially the folks at E!, to see George Michael and The Who. The BBC says Muse will be there. And the Telegraph adds the possibility/probability of seeing Ray Davies of the Kinks, Adele, Paul McCartney, Liam Gallagher's Beady Eye (although an Oasis reunion with McCartney would be way cooler), Roger Taylor and Brian May of Queen (C'mon, John Deacon, you can pick up the bass for the Olympics), Paul Weller, Elton John, the Rolling Stones and Kate Bush.

No question, they have a multitude of great acts to choose from. And what a fitting spot for the Stones to kick off their 50th-anniversary tour.

Billy Crystal can't let turning 65 next year pass by without writing a book (and maybe a stage show) about it.

Crystal has an agreement with Henry Holt and Co. for a book that will be part-memoir, part-meditation (om kippur?) — with jokes — about getting older. The book is currently untitled. Crystal hopes to have it out when the big day arrives on March 14.

In sort of related news, Cameron Diaz turns 40 this month, and she's working on a book about looking and feeling good.

HarperCollins announced Wednesday that Diaz has an agreement for a book on health and wellness. Diaz's book is currently untitled and scheduled for publication in fall 2013.

According to HarperCollins, the book will offer advice to young women about health, fitness, nutrition and general well-being. The publisher says Diaz hopes to "engage and empower" women.

TATTBITS

Rick Springfield has pleaded no contest in Malibu to reckless driving and will serve probation to end a drunken-driving case filed after his arrest last year.

Rick's attorney, Philip Cohen, entered the plea Thursday to a misdemeanor charge of reckless driving "with driving under the influence conditions." The singer initially faced drunken-driving charges, but the revised charge doesn't include any allegation of alcohol impairment.

So he's just a bad driver.

According to Bloomberg news, Edinburgh Airport reinstated a print of Picasso's "Nude Woman in a Red Armchair" (1932) that had been covered up in the international-arrivals lounge following complaints by some passengers.

You just know those prudish whiners had to be Americans.

The print, which promotes a Picasso exhibit at the Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art, had been covered with white vinyl.

"The initial decision was a reaction to passenger feedback, which we do always take seriously," an airport spokeswoman said. "However, on reflection, we are more than happy to display the image in the terminal and we apologize, particularly to the exhibition organizers, for the confusion."

Porn filmmakers, almost by definition, have no shame.

They'll take childhood favorites like "The Brady Bunch" and sex them up, hire celebrity look-a-likes for carnal trickery and go to any means possible to sell a sex tape of someone even a wee-bit famous.

But none of that explains what happened to New Jersey mom Maryann Sahoury.

A couple of years ago, reported the Huffington Post, Maryann overcame her fear of breast-feeding and was asked to make an instructional video for Meredith Corp. and tv.parent.com.

She says Meredith was not supposed to use her name or that of her baby daughter. Meredith says she signed a release.

What happened, however, was that a porn purveyor got hold of the video, used Sahoury's real name and intercut her most maternal action with footage of a similar-looking woman doing things that most new parents don't have the energy (or flexibility) for.

She's suing Meredith.

What kind of weird fetish subset would it be to watch breast-feeding women having sex?

And why does it seem like someone who might have that fetish is presently waiting for the bus outside our new offices?

Ann Curry, replaced as one of the NBC's "Today" show hosts in June, made a return Thursday to the show's set in London.

Curry introduced a filmed report on a still photographer. She lost her job as Matt Lauer's co-anchor in June and was replaced by Savannah Guthrie.

Her story appeared in the show's second hour. She introduced it while sitting next to Lauer. He said "nice to see you" at the outset and "good to see you" at the end. Ann returned neither sentiment.

And no one really knows how Matt got skewered by a javelin.

— Daily News wire services contributed to this report.