Matthew Shepard's murder made his mom an activist

By Steve Rothaus

McClatchy Newspapers

"I wasn't sure I could go back to those memories and come back to a good place in the present," Shepard says. "With the help of my family, my husband and my son Logan, it was really hard, but not as hard as it could have been."

Shepard originally wanted to publish a compilation of letters she received after Matthew died. Her agent at William Morris insisted she write about her personal tragedy.

The book begins with Shepard learning about her son's brutal beating.

"As I started to remember things, I remembered "more" things," she says. "It was really important to me to remind people at the beginning of the book that this is "my" story, "my" memories, "my" truth."

Her husband, Dennis, and Logan, now 28, helped with the process, she says.

Shepard said that when the book was finished, she "could dispassionately read it like it was somebody else's story."

She learned a few things about herself along the way.

"I understood that I was stronger than I thought I was when I was living through it. It didn't feel like I was being strong. It just felt like I was surviving day to day. But in telling the stories, I was stronger and able to do more than I was doing at the time."

It was a family decision for Shepard to take a public role.

"We felt we could do that for Matt, his community, his friends. And we all knew I would go crazy if I wasn't doing something to make a difference," she says. "It was my grieving process. It still is. I still keep Matt very close to me. I don't have to let go."

Often, it's a grind.

"I speak at a lot of colleges. I get really worn down by the travel. But when it gets to the event and I meet those kids and hear their stories about triumph and tragedy, that's what motivates me," Shepard says. "One of the things that came out of Matt's murder and death was a generation of activists. There's an anger, but a different anger. They believe they deserve it — basic civil rights."

"He was just wonderful to me, personally," Shepard says. "He would call me when the bill would fail and say, 'We're going to get this done.'"

Matthew's mother says she'll keep fighting until the federal law is in place and gay people have full protections.

"I don't really set goals for myself. I just believe things happen when they're supposed to," Shepard says. "I take advantage of opportunities. My goal is for opportunity to meet with preparedness."