Judging by the number of wedding-related reality television series that document crazed brides and lavish receptions, weddings are not what they used to be. With destination weddings, couples who already have two of everything, and multiple pre-wedding celebrations becoming the norm, gift etiquette may be tricky for guests.
As a rule, wedding gifts are optional, not obligatory. For that reason, it is still considered impolite for a couple to include gift instructions on their wedding invitations. However, it is customary for guests to give gifts to the couple and most people would interpret it as rude if you did not. If you cannot attend a wedding, you should send a gift in your absence, or a card wishing the couple the best on their marriage.
Amount to spend
Some people say guests should compensate the couple for the costs of the wedding, or spend as much on the gift as the couple spent on the guest's dinner. Other people say gifts should cost $75 at minimum and twice that when you bring a date. However, the best etiquette is to spend what you want and what you can afford. What you want to spend varies depending on your relationship to the couple. If you are the groom's co-worker you probably don't want to spend as much as the bride's sister. What you can afford should not factor in other weddings you'll be attending within the same time period, but it's perfectly acceptable to factor in the cost of attending a wedding. For example, if a couple has a destination wedding, the couple should anticipate guests will spend less on gifts than they would if the wedding was closer and more convenient for them to attend. However, guests should not skip gifts for destination weddings. Guests should always factor in the cost of gifts when they decide whether they can attend a destination wedding.
Cash, checks and gift cards
Couples should never tell their guests outright that they prefer cash gifts, but many probably do! Some cultural, familial and regional customs dictate guests to give money, while couples from other backgrounds may refuse it. If you're invited to the wedding, there's a good chance you know whether or not the couple would be pleased or insulted by a monetary gift, whether it be in cash, check or gift card form. It's perfectly acceptable to bring it to the wedding itself, and gift tables at reception sites often include a box for cards and cash. If you write the couple a check, include both the bride's and the groom's names with 'or' in between, instead of 'and,' as 'or' will allow either to cash it, and 'and' requires both to endorse it.
Gift registries
Many couples include registry information on a wedding Web site, or you may receive registry information on an invitation to a bridal shower. If you do not know where the couple has registered, ask friends or family members of the bride and groom. While a registry will point you to exactly what the couple needs and wants, you are by no means obligated to stick to those gifts only. Of course, avoid buying gifts that appear on the registry, as the couple registered in order to avoid receiving multiples. Consider engraving gifts from the registry or bundling them with additional gifts, if you want to add a personal touch. If all items on a registry have been purchased by other guests, a gift card from that store makes a great gift.
Other tips
Common etiquette says guests have up to one year following the wedding to send gifts, but common sense says guests should send gifts within three months. It's okay to send gifts before the wedding, as well. The couple should send a thank-you note within one month of receiving the gift(s).
Do not bring gifts to the wedding, unless they fit in an envelope. Many couples marry far from home and do not want to be tasked with hauling or shipping gifts after the wedding. If you have a homemade gift or a gift not on a registry, ask the bride's or groom's parents how to give it to the couple.
If you are invited to an engagement party, bridal shower and bachelorette party, or any other pre-wedding event, it is customary to bring a gift to each occasion, as well as the wedding itself. If you are concerned about costs, make something or offer your help in wedding planning.