Super Bowl ads: At least they didn't sell a puppy

HAVE YOU EVER bought anything just because of a Super Bowl commercial? (Me neither.)

Someone must.

Advertisers pay more than $4 million for a 30-second spot and feel they're getting their money's worth if it gets people talking - even if they're bad-mouthing it.

"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody," said Alice Roosevelt Longworth, "come sit next to me."

No one sits to bad mouth any more. They tweet and Facebook.

In Sunday's Downer Bowl - with commercials about domestic abuse, bullying and death - viewers were not on the side of Nationwide.

Before going there, let me applaud the commercials that celebrated fathers. That was part of an advertising arc that mostly side-stepped snark and hilarity for social responsibility. Examples: Girl empowerment (Proctor & Gamble), anti-bullying (Coke), people living with handicaps (Microsoft, Toyota Camry).

Circulating now are the "best" and "worst" lists of the TV commercials, but "best" or "worst" is highly subjective.

Was the Kim Kardashian commercial a "best" because she adroitly made fun of her vapid, narcissistic image - or a "worst" because she is her image? Did millennials get the Dodge commercials featuring centenarians? Did nongamers wonder how Liam Neeson got dragged into hawking a stupid video game? Our reactions are shaped by our life experience, interests and emotions.

Several ads that could have added cinnamon to the porridge were banned or pulled - GoDaddy's puppy, Carl's Jr. "Au Naturel," Pro Draft League's "Thank God Football Is Over."

The NFL, not surprisingly, drop-kicked the Pro Draft League's ad featuring (against an inspirational musical backdrop), three players - one deactivated for domestic violence, one suspended for substance abuse, one arrested for assault. Did anyone really think that would air? (Open secret: Some ads are created and released for the buzz, knowing they will never be aired.)

In the Carl's Jr. ad, a seemingly nude blonde walks through a street market. That was flagged for being sexist, but GoDaddy was clobbered for showing a too-cute puppy (Buddy) falling off a truck, fighting to find its way home to the farm where he is greeted by a kindly lady who says, "I'm so glad you made it home because I just sold you on this website I built with GoDaddy."

The early release of the manipulative spot drew outraged howls from dog lovers.

There are a couple of levels to this. The kind-hearted reacted to the idea of the puppy being sold.

What did they think happens to pedigree puppies? What's wrong with Buddy finding a "forever home" with a loving family to which he will bring happiness?

The SPCA saw it differently, tweeting, "If you can buy a puppy online and have it shipped to you the next day, it's likely you're supporting inhumane breeding."

To close where I started, Nationwide showed a kid who would never grow up because he died in an accident. The company said it was trying to start a conversation about safety, but apologized.

Super Bowl fans didn't want the conversation. They wanted entertainment and Doritos. Don't ruin the fun with the reality of preventable childhood deaths.

The ad with the greatest impact, I think, was Chevy's pre-kickoff spot that mimicked the live feed breaking down into static, panicking viewers who thought game video was lost.

That was meaner than selling a puppy.

Phone: 215-854-5977

On Twitter: @StuBykofsky

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