They're McGreeveys - not McCartneys

ELIZABETH, N.J. - The judge overseeing former Gov. Jim McGreevey's contentious divorce yesterday urged him and Dina Matos McGreevey to settle their case, warning that they neither could afford nor endure a protracted, public trial.

State Superior Court Judge Karen M. Cassidy delivered a 15-minute lecture to the McGreeveys after nearly four hours of closed-door meetings at the Union County Courthouse.

"You folks do not have the money it's going to take to try this case," Cassidy said. "You don't have it financially, and certainly you don't have the emotional level it's going to take to try this case for many, many months."

Cassidy set a series of dates for hearings, and she set a May 6 trial date in case the parties fail to mediate their differences.

"Divorce for any family is always a difficult process," McGreevey, the nation's first openly gay governor, said outside court. "I'm just grateful today for the judge's words and that we begin to move the process forward. At some point in our lives this will all be behind us and we'll continue to move forward."

Matos McGreevey and her lawyer hurriedly left the courtroom.

Neither McGreevey nor his lawyer, Matthew Piermatti III, would predict whether there would be a settlement. The vast majority of divorce cases are settled before trial, said Sandy Thaler-Gerber, Union County court clerk.

The judge said there were many unsettled issues, including alimony, child support, the value of celebrity, and McGreevey's underemployment. The former governor, who has a law degree, announced plans in the spring to study for the Episcopal priesthood.

While insisting she was not trying to pressure the McGreeveys into settling, Cassidy did warn of the cost of lawyers and experts who charge by the hour, and of deposing witnesses, which could cost $7,500 a witness. Each side could call 20 or more witnesses.

"That's something you have to factor in," Cassidy said, "if you take this case all the way through, the impact it will have on people you love, you care for, your friends who may not necessarily be part of this whole process.

"It's obviously a tremendous emotional cost to you. We're not even getting to your daughter now. We're just talking about you."

The McGreeveys last squared off in court in late April, when Cassidy urged them to use "common sense" in raising their daughter and cautioned against turning the case into a further public spectacle.

Parenting concerns dominated that hearing, with Cassidy warning the McGreeveys not to introduce 5-year-old Jacqueline to non-age-appropriate activities, but said she did not want to micromanage the child's life.

She did, however, rule that Jacqueline may not sleep in a bed with any adult except her mother or father. The decision came in response to Matos McGreevey's assertion that the child was permitted to climb into bed with her father and his male partner during overnight visits to their Plainfield home.

Matos McGreevey, an executive at Columbus Hospital in Newark, has primary custody of the couple's only child.

The McGreeveys officially split up when they moved out of the governor's mansion in November 2004. McGreevey filed for divorce in February.

Both have since written books about their lives together and appeared separately on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

McGreevey also has a daughter from a previous marriage, which ended in divorce.