Uncle Fester for Mayor?

MILTON STREET is not talking to me and it's not the first time he has stiff-armed a journalist wanting to profile him. He likes to talk to the press on his terms, like when embracing a coffin and singing. But this snub hurts because I'm his Facebook friend!

And I could use a good laugh.

Right now, he is ostensibly a Democratic candidate for mayor of Philadelphia. I've seen him on the endless treadmill of tedious forums where candidates regurgitate their (already known, and similar) positions like arcade chickens pecking at playing cards to tell fortunes.

During the forum grind, he often is the only one to show any wit, partly because he has nothing to lose. In Philadelphia, "crazy" can be an appealing character trait and "tax cheat" isn't a disqualifier. Neither is fabricator. It's probably to his advantage that he reminds some people of Uncle Fester from "The Addams Family."

Oh! I have something to report regarding the uncle thing, but be patient.

My numerous calls and emails to Street's people were fruitless. OK, it's not like Uncle Fester has been in the witness-protection program.

I wanted to delve into the charges, myths and beliefs that envelop him. He has had an amazing life, but if he won't talk, what does this say about the transparency of an (im)possible Street administration? So I resort to the "clip job," which is journalese for scrounging through published reports on his career and tragicomic life.

A weapon of mass distraction, the 74-year-old Street drags a tail a brontosaurus would envy - elections, racially insulting language, a jail term, publicity stunts, but (I have to admit) with high entertainment value, absent much intellectual heft.

Kind of a shame, because if he had his head screwed on right he might have accomplished much, like his younger brother, John Franklin Street.

To learn of his proposed mayoral policies, I went to his website. Every mayoral candidate has a website.

Well, apparently not every candidate, so I settled for what's called the T. Milton Street (Official Mayoral Campaign Page) on Facebook. First thing I notice is that Inquirer political reporter Chris Brennan "likes" the page. Then I see the first post is from philly.com, a 2011 story by - guess who? - Chris Brennan, who reported how Street compared himself to Moses.

But website or not, most of what you need to know will be revealed in my (drum roll) Top Dozen Fun Facts About Milton Street. (He's too big for a Top 10.)

1. The "T" stands Thomas (not for Mr. T). As a younger man, foreseeing the arrival of nieces and nephews, he used his middle name Milton so no one would ever refer to him as "Uncle Tom."

2. Despite being an incendiary speaker, the firefighters union endorsed him for mayor in 2011. Street got 24 percent of the primary vote against incumbent Michael Nutter. During the campaign he said Nutter was "not a black mayor . . . just a mayor with dark skin."

3. Since age 26, he has struggled with multiple sclerosis.

4. He was assistant budget director of the former Traffic Court until he was fired for having $2,559 in unpaid tickets.

5. He can't count, Part I: During his 2007 mayoral campaign, Street said if he didn't draw 5,000 people to a rally at City Hall plaza he would quit his candidacy. Only 200 people showed to witness him producing a coffin and singing. Street did not end his campaign then.

6. He can't count, Part II: He did quit a few days later and filed to run for City Council at-large. Despite needing 1,000 valid signatures, he turned in only 894, yet was permitted on the ballot.

7. Dissatisfied with the office he was assigned when he arrived in Harrisburg as a state rep in 1978, he pitched a tent on the Capitol lawn in protest.

8. He is an avid bicyclist.

9. He was a consultant for a company that unsuccessfully bid for the city's animal-control contract. His bid for an airport contract was quashed by his younger brother, the mayor.

10. While a state senator, he switched parties, from Democrat to Republican.

11. In challenging sitting U.S. Rep. the Rev. Bill Gray in 1982, he referred to the preacher as a "house n-----."

12. He was quoted as saying, "I don't have no morals."

No worries here. Under the Philadelphia city government's new nomenclature, Street is a "returning citizen" as he has done time for tax evasion.

If you are planning to vote for him, expect a urine test.

Phone: 215-854-5977

On Twitter: @StuBykofsky

Blog: ph.ly/Byko

Columns: ph.ly/StuBykofsky