Nike, U.S. Soccer completely missed the net in its latest release of World Cup kits

It was 1994.

The year I fell in love with U.S. Soccer –– and its uniforms.

Coincidentally, it was the first time the Federation went with a bold approach in advance of the 1994 FIFA World Cup hosted here in the United States, debuting two different kits made by Adidas: a classy red and white vertical striped top and a bold denim top that to this day fans either love or hate — but it is forever cemented in lore.

I saved all my money to purchase the red and white one — from my mother, who purchased it for me and made her 12-year-old son work it off doing odd jobs around the house. Since that moment, I’ve kept a close eye on new launches for both the U.S. men’s and women’s national teams, though historically the latest design is generally shared between the two.

» READ MORE: U.S. Soccer throws a long-awaited party for its equal-pay collective bargaining deals

Judging from the waiting lists I’ve had to jump on because I mistimed a release of a kit or hit a sold-out wall on my favorite apparel sites, I’m not alone in this love affair. I’ve debated past kits with other supporters. As someone who keeps a close eye on the team, it’s just something that’s always been fun to do.

I don’t believe that keeping apparel in stock will be a problem, however, after the release Nike dropped Thursday debuting its latest designs for the men in advance of this fall’s 2022 FIFA World Cup in Qatar.

Two jerseys, equally bad in their design, make me weirdly embarrassed for a men’s national team that scratched and clawed back to a berth after missing the last World Cup finals tournament. It’s similarly cringey to imagine the defending champion USWNT having to wear these outfits next year. I described the blue away kit to colleagues during a conversation Thursday morning and still feel the same as I write this now:

The away kit looks like U.S. Soccer slapped the crest on a tie-dye project a bunch of five-year-olds did at a summer day camp.

My mind wonders at the lack of creativity (or perhaps a bit of overthinking) from the designing minds at Nike. I can’t help but speculate if this was part of the reason why Christian Pulisic left Nike for Puma in 2021.

Look, I’m not the only one who shares an, umm, let’s call it distaste, for the new kits. Soccer Twitter was on fire Thursday morning as reactions flooded my stream. There were numerous dissatisfied comments, a few even from certain men’s national team players themselves who judging by timelines appeared to be in the know months before.

And a personal favorite...

I think Nike’s 2013 design of U.S. Soccer’s centennial kit has always proved it doesn’t need to overthink things to be effective. Poll most fans of the team and I’ll put dollars on it that this kit is up there as one of the all-time favorites. All it was? Literally an all-white uniform with a flag crest on the left breast and the familiar Nike Swoosh on the left.

It’s a timeless classic. The proverbial chef’s kiss of soccer kits, if you will.

I’ve even gotten my soccer-obsessed kid into the U.S. Soccer jersey hype. He begged me — in a similar fashion to how I once persuaded my parent — to get him his first jersey in the last release go-around.

» READ MORE: Jordan Pefok is still out of the USMNT ahead of its last World Cup tune-up games

It’s our thing.

But even he, when I asked if he was interested in one of these — and who wants everything when it comes to soccer — made a hard pass.

As I write this, U.S. Soccer has already begun the promotion of the kits, using some of its stars — including Pulisic and former Union midfielder Brenden Aaronson, but I’d like to believe it’s only because they are contractually obligated to do so. This launch was a hard flop and an unfortunate one, given all of the massive exposure that typically coincides with a World Cup year.

» READ MORE: From Leeds to Philadelphia, Brenden Aaronson’s first Premier League goal is big news

With the FIFA World Cup final coming to North America (and Philly in four years’ time), here’s hoping Nike goes back to the drawing board, refines its focus groups, and delivers something with a little more style and heat, because, yeah, this drop ain’t it.