The NFL needs to ban the Eagles’ ‘Tush Push.’ It’s hurting too many people’s feelings.

So I went into Wednesday with an agenda. I was going to head to the NovaCare Complex, talk to Nick Sirianni and some of his players, and write a column about what is now known as the “Tush Push,” the Eagles’ version of the quarterback sneak.

As you know if you’ve watched the Eagles even a bit over the last three seasons, the “Tush Push” — Jalen Hurts takes the snap and surges forward as the offensive linemen appear to shove him from behind — has been pretty much unstoppable. They reportedly tried it 41 times last season and were successful in getting a first down or touchdown on 37 of those attempts. It might be the surest thing in the NFL, other than Taylor Swift releasing the single “You Grabbed My Heart Like James Bradberry” in 2026.

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My original plan was to defend the Eagles and their use of the “Tush Push.” No one disputes that the play is legal; it has been since 2005, when the league removed language from its rule book that made it a penalty for an offensive player or players to push a teammate forward. And it seemed silly that so many people around the NFL were up in arms about it. But after doing my research, listening to the counterarguments, and conducting a few interviews, I’ve come around to the idea that the league should ban the “Tush Push.” Here are my reasons:

— Eagles tight end Dallas Goedert said that sometimes, when he and his teammates line up to run the “Tush Push,” he can see the “despair” in the eyes of the opposing defensive linemen and linebackers.

“The formation we get into is pretty telling,” Goedert said. “We get third-and-short. We get to the line, and they’re calling, ‘Quarterback sneak.’ And it’s like, ‘Quarterback sneak, I know. But what are we going to do?’”

I hate that thought. Football is supposed to be fun. I don’t want anyone to be sad while playing football. If the NFL eliminates the “Tush Push,” maybe fewer players will be sad and more players will be happy. I like happy players. Yay.

— Back in March, NBC Sports’ Peter King took a stand against the “Tush Push” and raised a couple of interesting points.

First interesting point: “It’s not a football play,” he wrote. That’s interesting because “It’s not a ------ play” is the common argument that gets trotted out any time there’s an innovation or new wrinkle that arises in any sport. For instance, back in the 1940s and ‘50s, when college basketball players such as Oklahoma A&M’s Bob Kurland, San Francisco’s Bill Russell, and Kansas’ Wilt Chamberlain started dunking the ball, many coaches objected, arguing that the dunk wasn’t a basketball play. Finally, by the time Lew Alcindor arrived at UCLA, coaches and administrators had gotten so tired of guys like Russell and Chamberlain not playing basketball that the NCAA banned the dunk in 1967.

Those were the good ol’ days. The NCAA revoked the ban in 1977, but I don’t know why. Dunking is dumb and unathletic and not fun, and we’ve already established how important fun is to sports. Come to think of it, you know another innovation that isn’t fun? The three-point shot. Let’s ban Steph Curry.

Second interesting point: “It’s only a matter of time before a quarterback gets hurt on the play,” King wrote. “In the Super Bowl, on one Hurts sneak, Kansas City sent a defensive lineman, missile-like, over the scrum at the line of scrimmage. How dangerous is a 290-pound projectile hurtling toward a quarterback? How fortunate is it that he, or Hurts, was not concussed on that play?”

That’s interesting because I hadn’t thought about how much better pro football is when the NFL does everything it possibly can to eliminate any and all risk of injury in an inherently violent sport. Can’t have too many ticky-tack roughing-the-passer penalties for my taste.

— Other teams, such as the Green Bay Packers and Indianapolis Colts, have tried variations of the “Tush Push” but haven’t been able to pull it off as well as the Eagles have. What? One team can do something better than another team, even though every team has the same opportunity to try? How is that fair? Equal outcomes for all!

“Might as well ban any play that works,” Goedert said. Exactly, Dallas. Exactly.

— Fox Sports’ Nick Wright recently argued that the NFL should outlaw the “Tush Push” to prevent the Eagles or other teams from improving upon the play and its likely outcomes.

“If Philadelphia perfected it to a degree where, instead of being a guaranteed 1 or 2 yards, it was a guaranteed 4 or 5 yards, would the NFL outlaw it?” Wright said. “The answer is yes. It would be the only play that they would run, and it would ruin the watchability of the NFL.”

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I can definitely see that scenario happening. I could definitely see a scenario in which the Eagles — owned by Jeffrey Lurie, who just paid Hurts upwards of $255 million — call one running play and only one running play over and over and over again, just because it’s working. Plus, based on King’s logic, even if the Eagles did gain 5 yards on every “Tush Push,” Hurts might get his head knocked off. So yeah, ban it.

— The Eagles are, like, so secretive about this play! I asked guard Landon Dickerson on Wednesday if he could explain to me, in detail, what he and his fellow offensive linemen do to make the “Tush Push” work.

“No disrespect, but I’m not going to do that,” Dickerson said. “You don’t go into McDonald’s and ask for the Big Mac sauce recipe. I’m sure it’s on the internet, but you don’t do it.”

See, this kind of cloak-and-dagger stuff just doesn’t jibe with the NFL’s culture of openness and honesty. If the NFL gets rid of the “Tush Push,” it will encourage the Eagles to explain, with complete candor, the ins and outs of what’s going on within their franchise. Like the Patriots and Bears.