Actually good nonalcoholic drinks for dry January

There is a vast array of new beverage options for dry January — most fizzy, all guaranteed to cause zero dizziness. Celebrities like Katy Perry and Kylie Minogue are now seen hawking alcohol-removed wine almost as fervently as they once shilled tequila, and specialty grocers’ shelves are filled with “adaptogenic” drinks, whatever that means.

As a longtime celebrator of dry martini January as opposed to dry January, I hold a certain degree of skepticism that nonalcoholic spirits can truly dupe the real thing — they can feel like eating a Beyond Burger and expecting it to taste like beef. The reason the majority of nonalcoholic beverages seem to be carbonated, for instance, is because fizz mimics the bite of alcohol, while many rely on sugar or additives like xanthan gum to produce the illusion of body and a thicker mouthfeel.

» READ MORE: A guide to sober-curious drinking in Philadelphia

But with the diminishing of my ability to indulge in alcohol (I assume this is a symptom of getting older), I yearn for beverages that would feel as celebratory as popping a champagne cork and taste as conscientiously crafted as a cocktail. So, last week, I assembled a group of opinionated drinkers, telling them we were going to spend one night getting extremely not wasted on nonalcoholic drinks. We tasted through more than a dozen brands of nonalcoholic wine and spirits, and multiple products from each brand.

The options below represent the beverages we would purchase again, and be unashamed to bring to a party, or share with similarly snobbish friends.

Non 7 Sparkling nonalcoholic Wine Alternative

$30 at Non

The Non 7 is like nothing else, which is probably what makes it so remarkable. It doesn’t really try to approximate wine, but it has enough depth to imply the complexity of a nuanced wine. Its ingredients include sour cherries, cold brew coffee, garam masala, allspice, nutmeg, salt, and pink peppercorns. My husband enjoyed it so much that if it were not Dry January, he said he’d splash vodka in it to make a cocktail.

Einz Zwei Zero Riesling

$25 for 4 cans at The Zero Proof

I first tasted a can of Einz Zwei Zero’s bubbly Riesling at Superfolie in Rittenhouse and was blown away by how delicious and it was. It really tasted like Riesling, with shades of green apple and citrus, because it is actually Riesling: Riesling grapes are fermented, then undergo a process of vacuum distillation (the wine is gently heated in a vacuum to remove alcohol). This is a rarity in the de-alcoholized wine category. Juicy but minerally, I’d tote a case to the next BYOB I go to.

French Bloom’s Fresh Sparkling Rose

$46 at Amazon

We were impressed by French Bloom’s Le Blanc and Le Rose, de-alcoholized sparkling wines that open with satisfying, champagne-like pops. Le Rose is particularly juicy with a Martinelli’s vibe (but far more sophisticated). It’s a blend of sparkling water, de-alcoholized wine, white grape juice, lemon juice, and “natural flavor of grape,” which of course, sounds a little mysterious.

Kylie Minogue’s No Alcohol Sparkling Rose

$16.99 at Wine Anthology

We were all shocked to find Kylie Minogue’s Sparkling Rose so delicious that we polished off the bottle. This corked bottle of sparkling rose also opens with a satisfying pop. Its pretty pink color comes from carrot juice concentrate, and like various nonalcoholic “wines” (as opposed to de-alcoholized wine), it gets its tannins from green tea. It scratched my itch for a sparkling wine but didn’t have the strange aftertaste that plagues many de-alcoholized wines, nor does it have the cloying sweetness of other nonalcoholic wines. (Be warned, however: One sip of Kylie’s other nonalcoholic wine, the Sparkling Blanc, sent us scattering to different sinks in the house, spraying artificial-peach flavored fizz from our lips.)

De Soi’s Spritz Italiano

$20 for 4 cans at De Soi

We rarely found that we liked every single product in a brand’s portfolio. For instance, we all loved the Spritz Italiano, a sparkling nonalcoholic aperitif from De Soi, but unanimously hated the three other beverages we tried from the company (Purple Lune, Tres Rose, and Golden Hour). This line of adaptogenic beverages uses extracts like ashwagandha and reishi mushroom to various degrees of success, but with the Spritz Italiano, boy, does it find success. “It makes no sense how delicious the spritz is,” said one taster. “It’s like grapefruit soda for when you want a negroni.”

Casamara Club’s Alta

$54 for 12 cans at Casamara Club

This dry, botanical soda is a blend of sparkling water, lemon juice, demerara syrup, and aromatics like orris root, juniper berry, cloves, and mandarin oranges. Overall, we enjoyed Casamara Club’s range of complex, slightly bitter sparkling beverages. “This is really good and it smells really good,” said my friend Melanie. “If it came in air freshener form, I’d spray it all over my house.” I’m one of those people whose highest praise for a dessert is “not too sweet,” so appreciated the dry finishes on each of Casamara Club’s flavors.

The Pathfinder Hemp and Root nonalcoholic Spirit

$40 at The Zero Proof

“This is a full-on amaro,” said one guest. “It’s very cola-y. This actually tastes like someone is crafting a beverage,” said another taster. “Other nonalcoholic spirits taste like they’re trying to fill a market niche.” This is the kind of spirit that works equally beautifully in cocktails and as a post-dinner tipple.

Everleaf’s Forest nonalcoholic Aperitif

$34 at Boisson

I buy Everleaf’s aperitifs regularly at this point, after having written about the company’s conscientious sourcing of sugar. Forest blends saffron, vanilla, and orange blossom — adding a splash to sparkling water yields a complex, aromatic beverage. (Everleaf says to consume the bottles within three months of opening, but I can attest that Forest has lasted, open, in my fridge for a year; another one of its aperitifs, Mountain, has not).

All the Bitter’s The Bitter Bundle

$89 at All the Bitter

We tasted All the Bitter’s lavender, orange, New Orleans-style, and aromatic bitters, and struggled to determine our favorite, so I felt compelled to include them all. Apple cider vinegar acts as a preservative for these blends of herbs, roots, and fruits. “These are better than everything else on the table,” said my friend Chris.

Other contenders

Prior to this big non-bender, we tasted through Töst’s lines of nonalcoholic sparkling tea beverages, the Three Spirit collection of nonalcoholic elixirs, Ghia, and St. Agrestis’ phony negroni and loved all of them — but determined that these are so ubiquitous that we did not feel they warranted further highlighting. We also tried Almave’s distilled blanco nonalcoholic blue agave spirit and Tenneyson’s black ginger plant-based alcohol alternative, and decided not to include them in this list.